


Sometimes Even Sunflowers Turn

by Arakano



Category: DIA (Band), Gugudan (Band), I.O.I (Band), PRISTIN (Band), Pledis Girlz (Band)
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-25 13:31:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 28,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9822752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arakano/pseuds/Arakano
Summary: 13. Home - (Nayoung, Jieqiong, Chungha) Come over after dinner? Bring Jieqiong if you can?.I.O.I Oneshots. Cross-posted from AFF.





	1. Look at Me

Look At Me

_Chaeyeon/Jieqiong_

* * *

Chaeyeon is not in denial.

Not anymore, anyway. She was in denial for a while but that ended quickly (also when Heehyun asked her what she liked about that boy and she really couldn’t answer).

She hasn’t told any of them. There’s technically no need to. It only complicates matters and she’s realistic - they won’t be together forever, it’s best to leave with good memories and not have to worry about having said something to the wrong person.

Not that there would be very many wrong people to tell this to. She’s sure they would understand. She knows that even those who would not understand would at least cover it up for the sake of the rest and the numbered days they have left with each other.

And Chaeyeon likes them. She likes them all for their kindness, their hilarity, their energy, their thoughtfulness. It would be selfish to introduce conflict just for the sake of making herself feel better. Already she spends very little time at the IOI dorm - there is no need to make those short hours any less meaningful than they are to her.

This is what she tells herself every day.

It has been working, and she intends for this denial to keep working but the universe seems to be conspiring to make it difficult for her to avoid Jieqiong. To be fair, the universe was nice enough to ensure that they did not do Whatta Man together, which would have literally been the death of her. Chaeyeon has watched the MV a grand total of once and has been diligently avoiding watching live performances (besides cuts of all the other members, of course) simply because she knows her limits.

There’s no need to make this more painful than it already is. There really isn’t.

So she clings to Doyeon and Sejeong and Nayoung, squishes Yoojung’s cheeks and runs after Sohye and Yeonjung picking things up. She even makes time to chat with Chungha and asks Mina and Somi to teach her a couple of things. If she sees Jieqiong’s hands wandering towards her waist (because the younger girl is naturally grabby - see kissing Mina for proof), she tries her best to find somewhere else to be, which is kind of difficult considering that they are supposed to stand next to each other every time the eleven of them stand in a row.

But it’s alright. It’ll be over soon. She knows she has got to be the only one who wants this to be over soon, even if she really will miss them all terribly.

This is what she tells herself when she sees them again and they start preparing for the new last song and they are paired up for shoots and they see each other again every day and gee golly she must have done something terrible in a past life because they are paired up for the couple dance.

She cannot help it but her face goes blank when she hears those words. Blood pounds in her ears but she forces herself to just nod slowly, acknowledge the statement. Unlike Doyeon who whoops loudly and high fives Sejeong, Chungha who reaches over to pinch Yoojung’s cheeks, she does not look over at Jieqiong.

Chaeyeon can’t look. If she looks, she’ll see. If she sees, she’ll think. If she starts thinking, if she starts thinking that she could even have a chance then it’s over.

Alright fine, she’s in denial.

* * *

She was not sure about it before but she is sure of it now.

Chaeyeon-unnie has been avoiding her.

Not that Chaeyeon is someone that is easy for Jieqiong to get close to, the two are fairly different in many aspects - Jieqiong is loud and in-your-face in person, Chaeyeon is quiet with a dignified air around those younger than her (though she has seen Chaeyeon snuggle up to Nayoung and even been on the receiving end of some very warm snuggles).

At first she thought it was just that maybe Chaeyeon just does not know how to be an unnie, but after Chaeyeon squishes Yoojung for the fiftieth time and even pats Mina’s head, that reason flies out the window.

Jieqiong has not necessarily been going out of her way to be observant about this but it would take someone with no awareness whatsoever to miss this.

Jieqiong does not know why. She kind of wishes she knew why so she can stop thinking about it. Nayoung-unnie is not helpful at all, just shrugs and assures her that she is imagining it. Chungha-unnie frowns a little but then Yoojung appears out of nowhere and Jieqiong no longer has Chungha’s attention. Sejeong-unnie she sees even less since the Jelpi girl is busy running around doing things or being dead tired and asleep.

She would apologize if she knew why.

Maybe.

(She does not think she has done something wrong - cannot seem to conjure up the memory where that would have happened and she is not the type that likes apologizing when not wrong.)

They had worked closely on Produce 101 for the dance number (which they both ended up losing to Sohye in the end), which had been a rather amicable experience, as far as working with competitors could go.

If Chaeyeon had been mad that she had been beaten to first visual, she had never said a thing so that would not be very fair and would be holding onto a long-time grudge, both traits being very un-Chaeyeon-like. If anything, Jieqiong should be grumpy towards Yoojung - except that Yoojung is literally a ball of fluff that needs love - and no one loves giving love more than Jieqiong. (Alright that was an exaggeration.)

The Dream Girls promotions had gone fine too. Jieqiong does not remember anything out of the ordinary. Sure, they stood next to each other all the time which meant that they did sometimes latch on to each other but that was more due to the set order rather than anything else.

It comes to a head after the MV filming and they get broken up into their pairs (and Mina who sits with them since it would be mean to make the Jelpi girl sit in a corner by herself while everyone else was brainstorming) and Chaeyeon just nods quickly at everything she suggests they do for their pair dance, saying nothing of her own before averting her eyes away.

She exchanges glances with Mina who shrugs.

* * *

“Unnie,” she hears from behind her.

Chaeyeon quickly grabs her blanket. It is cowardly to run but there are perhaps twenty days left for this promotion and she can damn well run for twenty days if she has to. It is admittedly a little difficult to run away from someone she has to see and interact with everyday but she can at least try, damnit.

She knows who Jieqiong wants to talk to even if she did not call her name, also knows that she does not want to chat right now. Or ever, the sneaky voice says in her head.

Her backpack is scooped up neatly in her arms, which leaves her neck pillow. It is not technically false that she is busy - her work with Drinking Solo as well as DIA keep her on the move almost all the time - but there is nowhere she absolutely needs to be right now.

“Chaeyeon,” says Nayoung holding her neck pillow.

Chaeyeon brightens at the possibility of an outlet, bounces over to Nayoung for the pillow, “Yes unnie?”

Nayoung jerks a thumb at something behind Chaeyeon and her heart falls, “I think she wants to talk to you.”

Et tu, Brute.

Chaeyeon attempts to escape, “I-”

Nayoung looks at her, eyes soften, “I think you two need to talk.”

No, she does not need to talk. This is not going to end well. There is no way this is going to end well.

Hi, I’ve been avoiding you because I think I like you.

Creepy. Weird. Bad.

Hello, likely very straight friend, I probably like you but I’m trying to figure things out.

Even worse. Awkward.

So uh, I’ve been trying to get over you even though we were never together.

Wrong.

Or even just, sorry I’ve been avoiding you but I don’t have a good explanation for it that will not make things incredibly awkward.

None of the scenarios seem even fractionally appealing.

Nayoung pats her shoulders as the cogs whir in her head and ushers Mina out the door which leaves the two of them alone before the magnanimity of the situation fully sinks in.

She hears footsteps as Jieqiong draws closer and is thankful to whatever gods are listening that there is to be no touching today.

“Unnie,” Jieqiong says quietly, “are you avoiding me?”

“N-No,” Chaeyeon says.

Jieqiong sighs, “Unnie, why are you avoiding me?”

Chaeyeon shakes her head, still keeps her gaze to the ground.

“You’re avoiding me right now even though we’re the only two people in the room,” Jieqiong snaps, “and you still say you aren’t. Unbelievable.”

Chaeyeon says nothing, hands tightening on her blanket.

Jieqiong’s feet pace away then back.

“Look,” Jieqiong says, waits for something but Chaeyeon keeps her eyes to Jieqiong’s shoes. Jieqiong huffs, “Look, I don’t know whatever it is that I did at some point, alright, but I’m sorry so can you please stop doing this?”

Chaeyeon thinks she can hear her own heart cracking a little since she knows Jieqiong hates apologizing for things she did not do, shakes her head again.

“I-It’s not you,” she says.

“Then? You’re telling me that you’ve been avoiding just me not because of me but because of something else?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Chaeyeon says, remembers that she is the older one in the room, and makes to leave.

“Don’t you dare,” Jieqiong all but growls, “It’s fine if you don’t want to work with me, heck it’s fine if you don’t even want to see me, but you don’t get to come in here, lie about avoiding me, say something crazy like it’s not you and then say you don't want to talk about it. You don’t get to do this. It’s not fair and that’s not right and like it or not, you’re still stuck with us for a while more and I’m at the end of my patience.”

Chaeyeon wants to laugh at ‘it’s not fair’ and then cry at ‘still stuck with us’ so she settles for a strange laugh-cough-sputter.

“I can’t,” she says.

“Can’t what,” Jieqiong’s feet take a step closer.

Chaeyeon shakes her head.

Jieqiong hisses in frustration, “Can you at least look at me when I’m talking to you?”

Chaeyeon stiffens.

“Unnie,” Jieqiong says, “Look, I don’t get it. I really don’t get it. I thought I’d be ok just letting you ignore me but this is ending soon and I don’t want to have it end like this, alright? This is not how I want to wrap up our time together. I don’t know what it is that you don’t like about me but I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me what it is.”

“You can’t,” Chaeyeon whispers.

“What can’t I fix?”

Chaeyeon just shakes her head again.

Your eyes. Your smile. Your love for the rest of the team. Your voice. Your perseverance. Your courage.

You.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Jieqiong says, takes a flying leap to the Island of Conclusions at Chaeyeon’s silence, “I look like an ex?”

Chaeyeon’s head snaps up, “A-An ex?”

“Oh now you’re looking at me,” she says. Jieqiong’s eyes are sharp but there is more hurt in them than Chaeyeon realized, “but yes, is that why?”

Take it, her brain whispers, take this out. It’s now or never. By that we mean that you either take this as a way out now or you will never be able to find a better explanation. Heck, she came up with an explanation and fed it to you. The stars do not align twice.

It’s not fair, another voice whispers, this is not fair to her and not fair to you. Don’t you dare take it. Say what you want to say. Do not lie to her.

Do not lie to yourself.

“Well, I can’t help it alright?” Jieqiong doggedly goes down this path, “I’m not going to cover my face up just so you can decide to look in my direction because this is ridiculous and you just need to get over this.”

Yes, Chaeyeon thinks, she does need to just get over this.

Well, says her brain, it’s pretty clear that avoiding her is not going to help you ‘just get over this’. You might want to try something else.

Her mouth suddenly decides that that something else is to continue this conversation.

“No,” she says, “That’s not why.”

Jieqiong looks ready to tear her own hair out, or perhaps Chaeyeon’s as well and Chaeyeon cannot help but notice how insanely attractive that look is. All these weeks of avoiding her reduced to naught with a single glance.

She shouldn’t have looked.

Jieqiong hisses, opens her mouth to speak but the door opens and Nayoung pokes her head back in, “Let’s go.”

Jieqiong’s eyes burn as she sweeps past Chaeyeon, whacks her in the arm with her backpack on the way.

Chaeyeon thinks she may cry.

* * *

“We need to talk,” Jieqiong closes the door behind her.

Chaeyeon does not know how she managed to get the Fantagio girls out of the dorm but she also knows that if she must have this conversation that she would much rather not have it in the confines of such a small space.

“Can we talk somewhere else? What if they want to sleep?”

Jieqiong says nothing, pushes Yoojung’s pillow to a side and sits on the bed, curling her knees to her chest.

“I wanted to apologize,” she says.

Chaeyeon’s hands stop moving from where they were putting her things away.

“I got really mad earlier today,” Jieqiong says, “but I still shouldn't have hit you. I'm sorry.”

Chaeyeon shrugs, brain too preoccupied with how she can get out of the room as soon as possible.

“What do you want me to do?” Jieqiong says.

“H-Huh?”

“Is there anything I can do to make this easier for you? I can swap with Mina.”

Chaeyeon shakes her head. Swapping would only make things more complicated - people would ask questions. Her hands pick up again, transferring her charging cable and battery pack to her bag.

She can feel Jieqiong’s eyes on her but she cannot speak. She cannot think. She cannot begin to think. If she starts she will not stop and not stopping, with the two of them alone in the room, is dangerous.

“Argghh,” Jieqiong says, scrunches Yoojung’s blanket with a hand, “I wasn't going to get mad again. I wasn't. I really wasn't. But you're not helping. I can't read your mind. I don't know what you're thinking. I can't do this.”

Chaeyeon stops.

“Why me?” Jieqiong says, “What's wrong with me?”

Chaeyeon’s hands close on her phone, gripping it so tightly she thinks she hears it squeak in protest.

“Is it because I'm foreign?”

“No,” Chaeyeon says sharply, “It's not.”

“Is it because I'm gay?”

Chaeyeon’s heart stops. She feels the world stop with her.

Jieqiong reaches into the silence and pulls a rabbit out of the hat, “I don't know how you found out but it is, isn't it.”

She should not and cannot give in to hope. This is not how it works. There is no miraculous moment where they will suddenly discover their deep undying love for each other. Just because she likes girls does not mean she will like you. That is not how types work. That is not how the world works.

“I-I'm not ashamed,” Jieqiong says to her knees, “I'm not sorry about that and I don't intend to change myself just to make you happy.”

Her eyes shake a little and her fingers play with each other but her jaw is set and Chaeyeon is slowly but surely dying on the inside.

“It's not,” Chaeyeon croaks, “I-I didn't know.”

“Oh,” Jieqiong says, looking as if she would like Yoojung’s blankets to swallow her whole and never spit her out again, “well, uh, if that's the case I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell the others.”

Chaeyeon nods.

Say it, the voices in her head go, say it. Let it out. You've never let it out.

No, the other voice says, you know she'll take it the wrong way.

Even if it isn't the wrong way.

No, she cannot do this. It would imply all the wrong things, hit on all the pressure points. It would be tantamount to blackmail and it would not be right.

She swallows the words back down her throat, feels them slide and settle into her stomach.

Jieqiong sighs at the sounds of the main door opening and the Fantagio girls approaching.

“Do you hate me?”

Chaeyeon shakes her head.

Jieqiong shoots her a wry smile as she leaves the room, “I guess I'll just have to settle for that then.”

Chaeyeon does cry, later that night.

* * *

“Unnie,” Yoojung says the next evening in the practice room, “Chaeyeon-unnie, you wanna come get ice cream with me from the store?”

“Ice cream again? In this weather? You just had some yesterday,” Chungha looks at them.

Chaeyeon shrugs, far be it for her to be the one to deny Yoojung anything. Besides, their practice room is way too warm even in this weather and she would appreciate a walk outside in the cold and she had not gotten any ice cream the day before.

“I'm guessing you don't want anything then?” Yoojung sticks out her tongue.

“Well,” Chungha says, “if you're going to put it that way…”

Chaeyeon smiles. Mina giggles.

“Ice cream! I-C-E Cream!” Somi flings her hands into the air and rushes over to Chaeyeon, “Unnie I want one too!”

The other girls scramble over to type their orders for the store into Chaeyeon’s phone. Nayoung keys two orders in and Chaeyeon tries to keep her heart from falling.

* * *

“So,” Yoojung says, kicks a pebble on the sidewalk.

“Do you,” she scratches the back of her head, huffs, sighs and then does a little shuffle. Chaeyeon resists the urge to snuggle with Yoojung.

“I-I heard you last night. D-Do you want to talk about it? You're probably pretty stressed about work because you're so busy and I know you  probably are already talking to Heehyun-unnie or someone but I thought you might want to talk to someone else about it in case it's because you're busy that you're stressed and I guess it might be a bit awkward to talk to me about it but I guess I…”

Chaeyeon hugs her, gathers the little bits of Yoojung in her arms.

“Unnie,” Yoojung says, muffled behind a jacket sleeve, “I love you but I love oxygen too.”

Chaeyeon releases her immediately and Yoojung sticks her tongue out.

“But really though,” Yoojung wraps herself around Chaeyeon’s left arm, looks up at her wide-eyed in a way that Chaeyeon most definitely does not deserve, “You ok, unnie?”

“I-I'll be fine,” Chaeyeon says.

Yoojung frowns and they continue on in silence for a block.

“I'll smack her if she did anything you didn't want her to do,” Yoojung says with a startling amount of determination as they cross a road, “Even if she's older than me. And taller. And heavier. And is a mean arm wrestler.”

“Huh?” says Chaeyeon, “Smack who?”

“Kyulkyung-unnie,” Yoojung says, frowns, “Is there someone else that I may need to be smacking?”

“H-Huh? W-Why would you need to smack her?”

“You've been avoiding her, then you talked last night and you cried after. Why wouldn't I smack her?”

“I-It’s not her,” Chaeyeon mumbles.

“Then Nayoung-unnie? You know they're not a thing right?”

Chaeyeon shrugs as her traitorous heart soars for a moment.

“Then?”

Yoojung turns on the puppy dog eyes again and Chaeyeon knows she does not deserve these wonderful girls but yet she is here.

“It's me,” she says finally as they stand outside the convenience store at three in the morning, the cold breeze licking at her face.

“Oh,” Yoojung says, “Ohhhh.”

* * *

A hand grabs hers the next day as they are entering the dorm after practice.

“Walk with me,” Jieqiong says, makes eye contact with Nayoung-unnie who nods.

Chaeyeon’s heart sinks. She knows what this is about. This is a hole that she dug herself into and that only she can get herself out of.

If she had wanted to keep it a secret she would not have said anything to Yoojung. She would have just shrugged and said nothing and this would not be happening. But this is happening.

They walk in silence, hats and face masks, scarves and coats, four in the morning. Chaeyeon does not recognize where they are going but she trusts the younger girl enough to not ask.

They walk and they walk.

At least forty minutes go by before the silence is broken.

“We're almost there,” Jieqiong says, but does not turn to look at her.

They turn a bend and the Han River stretches out before her eyes. The breeze hits her in the face, carries the smell of the water into her and Chaeyeon is sure that she is going to cry again before the night is over.

“So,” Jieqiong says, resting her arms on the railing, “Yoojung seems to be under the impression that I somehow rejected you two days ago.”

Chaeyeon looks down at the ripples of the water's edge on the rocks.

“I didn't say that,” she says.

“She certainly thought so,” Jieqiong shrugs, “gave me a real talking to about how I should be nice and considerate about others’ feelings.”

Chaeyeon cringes.

“A little rich, don't you think?”

Chaeyeon shrinks where she is standing.

“Not that it's her fault,” Jieqiong says, “Yoojung is a teddy bear. She has so many Browns that she's probably turning into one.”

Chaeyeon wants to giggle but the sound does not come out.

“You're smiling,” Jieqiong says.

The smile immediately wipes from her face.

“You haven't smiled at me for months.”

Chaeyeon looks back down at the water, lets the wind play in the loose strands of her hair not held down by her cap.

“I'm sorry,” Jieqiong says, turns to look at her, “I didn't realize I was hurting you.”

Chaeyeon shakes her head, opens her mouth to speak but Jieqiong presses on.

“But I don't know if I can give you what you want either.”

She feels like that should hurt a lot more than it does in that one moment as the wind picks up and there is the distant squawk of a sea bird.

She shrugs as she feels the final shards shatter.

“You're too kind for me,” Jieqiong says.

Chaeyeon’s head snaps up.

Jieqiong’s eyes are twinkling and Chaeyeon is falling so hard right now that she deserves it when she finally hits the bottom. She deserves it after being so self-centered, so selfish, after being unable to brave enough to say what she wanted to say, after hiding away and running, running, always running.

She waits for Jieqiong to say something, looks into those eyes that stare back at her and she must be reading them wrong - they cannot possibly mean what she sees - or they are far more cruel than she could ever imagine.

“But that could be nice,” Jieqiong shrugs.

Chaeyeon does her best to not burst into tears on the spot, feels the tension of months melt away, taking what little energy she had with it, but it does not work and she hastily dabs at her eyes.

“Uhm,” says Jieqiong, “That's not quite what I had in mind, but I'll take it?”

Chaeyeon snorts, chokes a little, tries to stop the giggles but ends up feeling like a buoyant idiot as she sniffles into her sleeve.

Jieqiong offers her a tissue.

“You deserved that,” she says, “you were avoiding me for weeks. You didn't even look at me. Do you know how that made me feel?”

Chaeyeon ducks her head, blows her nose.

“I'm sorry,” she says, “I just, I just didn't want to make it awkward.”

“By avoiding me. Even though we're in the same group. And stand next to each other.”

“H-Hey.”

“You wouldn't even look me in the eye and you used to let me hug you.”

“You were wearing those colored lenses.”

“So?”

“N-Never mind.”

Jieqiong smirks.


	2. Watching

Watching

_Chungha/Nayoung_

* * *

They just kind of ask at one point, go around in a circle to figure out how many siblings each of them had. Not all of it makes sense - certainly Yoojung could have easily passed as a younger sibling and Sejeong for the oldest - but nothing draws as many raised eyebrows as Nayoung as the youngest of her family.

For the girls who mostly know each other from a distance barred by competition (since you could be friendly but still hold back, that much they knew), this is the first time they get to get together, the eleven of them, no cameras, just them.

“Really?” Somi looked just that little bit flabbergasted, though really not as flabbergasted as Chungha is sure some of the others will be when they find out that Somi is the eldest child.

Nayoung shrugs, “Yeah.”

Sejeong tilts her head, “I can see it.”

Chungha finds herself nodding, “Mmhm.”

Doyeon grins, “Unnie is adorable.”

That statement clearly catches Nayoung by surprise as her eyes widen before she ducks shyly and laughs that slightly self-conscious awkward laugh of hers that Chungha has heard so many times though goodness knows what there is to be self-conscious about proportions and skills like those.

Chungha watches Jieqiong squeal and hit Nayoung on the arm.

Mina beams and Chungha smiles.

* * *

“Kids, let’s go!”

Mornings are the worst, Chungha thinks.

Mornings are terrible, only surpassed by nights-that-turn-into-mornings on days where they only get single hours of sleep.

She tugs on the nearest pair of socks, which happen to be grey, throws on a pair of jeans and a loose top. It will probably not be too cold today and she can easily toss on a jacket. She would normally spend a little more time planning her outfit (a little more being perhaps a whole two minutes more) but today they are running slightly late on Nayoung time.

Chungha grabs her bag, checks her hair on her phone and scoots to the door where she is immediately beset by Somi.

“Morning,” Somi wraps her arms around Chungha’s waist.

“Mm,” Chungha says, patting Somi on the head. She nods at Nayoung who is trying to look over them and see if the Fantagio girls are going to emerge any time soon.

Nayoung’s lips purse.

“I can go check on them,” Chungha says.

Somi shrugs, “Sohye and Kyulkyung-unnie are up. They’ll probably be out soon.”

“We’re going to be late,” Nayoung’s frown deepens.

Chungha kicks her shoes off, shrugs out of Somi’s arms and scoots past the oncoming Jieqiong towards the Fantagio room.

“Girls,” she knocks on their door then eases it open.

Yoojung is sitting dazed on her bed in her pajamas while Doyeon is at least half-dressed in pants and her pajama top.

“We’re leaving in a minute,” she says.

“Oh shh-,” Yoojung leaps up and scrambles around the room, throwing things into her bag and looking for articles of clothing. She ruffles through a suitcase and throws a long sweater out onto the bed on top of her phone and charger.

Doyeon tugs a blouse on, tucks it into her pants and then starts to pack her own things.

“I'll be outside,” Chungha says before Yoojung strips to change.

She slides out of the room to come face to face with Nayoung.

“Uh,” she says, face awfully close to Nayoung’s shoulder, “They'll be out in a minute?”

Nayoung looks at her, nods then turns to leave in search of Sohye. She pauses at the corridor.

“Thanks Chungha.”

Chungha shrugs and heads back to the main door where Somi flings her arms around her shoulders. Nayoung’s bag starts ringing with ‘Hold On’.

“You should pick it up, unnie,” Jieqiong says between yawns, “that uh-”

“Ringtone,” Somi says.

“Yeah that’s the manager.”

“I'll get it,” Nayoung says, materializing behind them with Doyeon and Sohye in tow, “Someone go get Yoojung please.”

Chungha nods, catches Nayoung’s small strained smile.

* * *

Chaeyeon finds it easiest to snuggle up to Nayoung, Chungha realizes, watches Chaeyeon lean on Nayoung’s shoulder, wrap around her arms, put their hands together.

It’s been hard for Chaeyeon.

It’s been hard for all of them, really, but harder for Chaeyeon, having to be shuttled constantly between two groups and way too much work. It’s not sorry that Chungha feels for Chaeyeon, because this is what they want to do but she worries sometimes.

But Chaeyeon has Nayoung. They all have Nayoung.

Nayoung is a rock.

Chungha smiles inwardly at the pun but Nayoung really is a rock when they need her to be one. Sejeong is a kind listening ear, giver of advice, commiserator and empathizer but Nayoung is there, always there, always solid, always present, always reliable.

It’s a little different.

Their lives have changed so much in such a short span of time that having a constant, having something to hold on to is wonderful.

Chungha holds on to Nayoung being there, sleeping early, waiting for them by the door, herding them to and from the car, answering all the ‘tell us more about your song’ questions.

She clings to the content silence of them chewing on dried sweet potatoes in the room in the evening.

* * *

Yoojung is just naturally made for squishing, Chungha decides, not that there’s anything inherently squishy about her but her smallness and her smiles and her eyes are incredibly endearing that one cannot help but want to squish her.

She knows that she is not alone in thinking this way. She’s seen Sejeong ruffle Yoojung’s hair, Chaeyeon wrap her arms around Yoojung’s waist, watched that episode where Somi basically squished her face against Yoojung’s.

And now Nayoung will not let go of the Daeng.

It’s adorable.

She watches Nayoung wrap herself around Yoojung, latching on and refusing to release her, the two of them waddling like penguins in their parkas until they fall to the floor in a little heap.

She laughs, laughs as Sejeong also laughs.

It’s something Nayoung’s been doing lately now that they all know each other so much better, miss each other so much more - a lot more hugging, snuggling, touching. Chungha cannot say that she has been on the receiving end of a lot of that but she knows the other girls appreciate it, this bunch of crazy touchy-feely beagles (led by Her Royal Highness I-Love-Butts Kim Sejeong).

She watches Nayoung snuggle Yoojung, watches her slowly rock the Fantagio girl from side to side and cannot help the smile that comes to her face.

* * *

“Unnie,” Jieqiong says when Nayoung has left the room to shower and they are the only two in the room.

“Hm?”

Jieqiong puts her hand on Chungha’s knee, leans over and nuzzles into the crook of her neck.

Chungha smiles, the Beagles love their snuggles and she has grown to appreciate their touchy-feeliness.

She pats Jieqiong’s head.

“Unnie,” Jieqiong says.

“Yes?”

Chungha runs fingers through Jieqiong’s hair, waits for her to continue.

“You’ve been-”

The door opens and Nayoung steps in, hair up in a towel. Her eyes flick to them, first to Jieqiong then to Chungha. An expression Chungha cannot place crosses Nayoung’s face before she sits on her bed and begins unwrapping her hair to let it dry.

“The shower’s empty,” Nayoung says.

Chungha nods, pats Jieqiong’s head once more then gently pushes the younger girl away from her.

Jieqiong pouts then grins, turning to Nayoung.

Chungha sees Nayoung’s eyes light up, wishes she knew what Jieqiong was about to say next.

* * *

Chungha always watches the other girls dance if she gets the chance to and the opportunity truly arises when they start working on Whatta Man.

Sohye is still learning but she has interesting ideas and Produce 101 must have somehow stripped most of the fear and hesitation of performing on stage that ordinary people usually have. Perhaps she never had that, Chungha does not know.

The Beagles dance well. It sounds strange but beagle-ness directly helps with being less restrained and less self-conscious when dancing.

Doyeon is all arms and legs (in the best possible way) and deer in the headlights but she works hard, hits what she needs to hit and shows no shame on stage whatsoever.

Somi can do anything. That girl is born to be a performer and it shows in her eyes and her moves and her willingness to be as crazy as she wants to be.

Yoojung is the best - a consummate actress, she flips a switch when she starts, kills the moves, has the facial expressions to match, works hard, so hard.

Jieqiong has the skill and the smolder when she remembers to turn it on, could work a little more on connecting her moves to make it all look that little bit easier - such a large part of the work they do is to make it look easy.

That leaves Nayoung.

Nayoung understands how dance works and makes it work for her, but sometimes the self-consciousness sticks to Nayoung like glue, does not seem to wash off, winds its way into her movements and makes them just that bit different.

Chungha noticed it in Say My Name, watched Nayoung light up then close herself off for some reason halfway through which was a damn shame since the choreography was bomb and Mina slayed it so one can only imagine how good it would have been if tall lanky Nayoung managed to work it the way she had probably imagined it to be.

Fingertips was much better.

Chungha does not know why but if pressed she would guess that that Nayoung felt more relaxed, not having to be the leader with Heehyun on the team and not even having to worry about standing out too much with Sejeong on the team.

She watches the clip that Mnet put out for the individual trainees, finds herself smiling along.

* * *

“Hey,” Nayoung says through the darkness of their room as Chungha tugs her blankets over herself, settling in after a busy day of filming for Hit the Stage.

Chungha rolls over to face her, “hm?”

“Thanks.”

“Thanks?”

“For letting Yoojung join,” Nayoung says and Chungha hears a little rustling of sheets.

“Ah,” she says, “It was nothing. It was fun. She was great.”

Chungha doesn’t know why the words suddenly refuse to come out. Yoojung is wonderful and incredible and talented and hardworking and they had a great time practicing and dancing together. She would do it again any day, at the drop of a hat, in a heartbeat. She does not need thanks for this.

“She really wanted to,” Nayoung says, rolls over so Chungha can see the faint outline of her face in the dark, “you guys were incredible.”

“Thanks,” Chungha blushes.

“But really,” Nayoung says, “Thank you.”

Chungha thinks her smile doesn’t disappear till she falls asleep.

* * *

“You've been watching Nayoung-unnie,” Jieqiong says quietly, traces a pattern on the back of Chungha's hand.

They are in the unnie-line room again, this time Chungha with her hair now almost dry and Nayoung in the shower.

“I have?”

“Mmhm,” Jieqiong leans in.

“Well, she’s been doing a good job with the group,” Chungha says.

Jieqiong wiggles her eyebrows.

“What,” Chungha says, leans back.

“You’ve been watching her,” Jieqiong says, a small smile on her face.

“Ok...”

“Just thought you might want to know,” Jieqiong grins, wiggles her eyebrows again.

“Know what?”

They both turn as Nayoung enters the room.

“Nothing, unnie,” Jieqiong’s grin widens as she detaches herself from a rather dazed Chungha, “G’night you two!”

Nayoung frowns but waves her away, “Sleep early. We have an early schedule tomorrow.”

Jieqiong sticks out her tongue, “Yes mom!”

“G-Good night,” Chungha manages as the door closes behind them.

Nayoung turns her back to Chungha, rummages through her things for her sleeping mask. Chungha watches a drop of water bead and fall from her hair to the floor.

They finish their post-shower routines in silence, then Nayoung reaches for the lights, pauses.

“What were you two discussing,” she says.

“The group,” Chungha says and it is technically not a lie.

“Ah,” Nayoung says, turns the lights off, “Is there anything you would like to share with me about the group?”

“N-Not particularly,” Chungha mumbles, “we were just chatting.”

She hears the rustling of sheets then the placement of feet on the floor. Before she knows it, Nayoung is sitting on the floor by the foot of her bed, the dim light from a window casting a shadow of the bedframe by her.

“Is,  is there anything you would like to share with me then?”

“Well,” Chungha says, pauses, sighs and gives up, “Jieqiong thinks I’ve been watching you.”

The silence that occurs after is not at all reassuring. Chungha does not know what it means - not that she is really sure what she meant by her own statement either.

“Is that so?” Nayoung says just before Chungha gives in to the urge to leave the room immediately.

“I guess?”

“Ah,” Nayoung says.

Chungha wishes the Beagles were making some noise outside but they are not and the only sound that can be heard is the quiet pitter patter of her heart.

“Well I guess I’ve been watching you too,” says Nayoung.


	3. Than Never to Have Loved

Than Never to Have Loved  
 _Mina_

* * *

It’s only been a week but Mina likes school.

Well, she likes some parts of school.

Like classes and making friends and hanging out. Not so much the homework or the tests which she supposes makes her a fairly average student. Math does not faze her and English is kind of hard but sometimes it’s not too bad so really she doesn’t mind. The dance major is pretty neat too - she gets to actually dance at school, gets to learn things from the teachers she may not otherwise get the opportunity to - and there are lots of kids in this class signed to other agencies which certainly brings different perspective.

Well, there are lots of kids in this school signed to agencies period.

It’s one of those things that she doesn’t think she’ll ever get used to.

Just yesterday she thinks she saw GFriend’s Yuju passing by in the corridor - and of course she’s heard about DIA’s Jung Chaeyeon who was dating someone but may not be anymore but guys shouldn't even try because there’s no point.

That’s not even scratching the surface of the third years, then there are the second years and then there’s Oh My Girl’s Arin and rumors that there are SM trainees in her grade too.

(She supposes she technically counts, being signed to Jellyfish and all, but Jellyfish hasn’t ever debuted a girl group and nothing is certain.)

“Yah Kang Yebin!”

She turns at the screech that echoes down the corridor and quickly ducks as someone goes flying past, almost knocking her off balance.

“Oh, sorry,” the voice says as she grabs hold of Mina’s elbow, smiles, “Sorry about that.”

Mina just shakes her head, “No worries.”

The girl grins at Mina, pats her arm, “Really sorry about that,” then releases her and takes off down the corridor shrieking, “coming through, sorry! Kang Yebin, wait up!”

“Yah Joo Kyulkyung, Kang Yebin!” Another voice comes down the corridor, swiftly followed by another person who manages to more daintily sidestep Mina this time.

This school, Mina thinks, is insane.

But she kinda likes it.

* * *

At this point Mina is fairly certain that the Jellyfish manager has forgotten that she is supposed to be picked up from the IOI dorm and taken to school early today.

Well, never mind being taken early so she can get to classroom duties, at this rate she may even be late for class. She could call the manager but it would take him at least half an hour to get here and then there is no way she would not be late. Doyeon and Yoojung have already left, even Sohye and Yeonjung were picked up earlier.

Mina actually likes the few opportunities she gets to go to school so this is quite the downer. She sighs, sits down on the doorstep and fiddles with her phone. Better late than never, she supposes.

“Eh?” Mustard yellow appears in the corner of her vision. The rest of the SOPA uniform swims into view.

Oh. Sometimes she forgets that Jieqiong-unnie is still attending school, sometimes she forgets that Jieqiong-unnie attends the same school as she does.

“Mina? Why are you still here?”

Mina shrugs, “I think my manager forgot.”

“Oh,” Jieqiong says, pauses, “Wanna ride with us then?”

“Is there space?”

Jieqiong shrugs, tugs on her sneakers, grins, “Probably. Yebin isn’t that fat.”

Mina snickers a little and follows Jieqiong out the door.

* * *

“Oh?” Yebin says from the front.

“H-Hi Yebin-unnie,” Mina says, buckling in her seatbelt and shuffling a little closer to Eunwoo so that Jieqiong can buckle her seatbelt in on the other side.

“Her manager forgot,” Jieqiong says, clicks the buckle in, “we’re not kidnapping her.”

“Aw,” Yebin says, “We don’t get to keep her?”

“Nope.”

“Pity,” Eunwoo says, “She’s so much cuter than you are. Hi Mina.”

“Hi Eunwoo-unnie.”

“Yah, Jung Eunwoo,” Jieqiong reaches around Mina to slap at Eunwoo’s arm.

“It’s true,” Yebin grins, “you two did that Apink song right? And she won?”

“Yeah but that doesn’t mean anything.”

“It does.”

“Does not.”

“Does.”

“Does not.“

“Does too.”

“You weren’t even the center for that one,” Yebin says.

“Yahh!”

“Didn’t you cr-” Jieqiong lunges across Mina’s lap and covers Eunwoo’s mouth with a hand.

Yebin snickers. The manager frowns.

“It’s alright, Mina wouldn’t want to join you guys anyway. She’s got Sejeong-unnie, eh?”

“Ah unnie~” Mina squeaks, blushes, and feels at home.

Yebin’s grin gets a little too wide.

* * *

Classes end and lo and behold she has been forgotten.

Again.

Somehow this should no longer surprise her but it still does.

Mina shuffles around hesitantly by the carpark - she could take the bus back to the dorm but it could be awkward if people follow and take pictures. There have been a lot of photographers around the school recently, probably because of NCT’s Mark or maybe someone else but whoever it is the fact remains that travelling in this school uniform makes it difficult to be inconspicuous.

She should call. In this case she can wait until he arrives even if it will take a few hours.

“Mina?”

“Oh hey,” she turns.

“Do you have a schedule today?”

She shakes her head.

“Heading back to the dorm then?”

“Yeah.”

“Wait,” Jieqiong says, “didn’t you second years get let out an hour ago?”

Mina shrugs.

“Oh,” Jieqiong says, sits down and pats the curb space next to her.

Mina brushes some dust away, sits.

They both look to their phones for a bit - Mina replies her mom’s texts about when she’s going to get a day off next or if they should fly up to Seoul to see her. Mina suggests Chuseok which is a while away but she’ll definitely be free then.

“I’ll talk to Nayoung-unnie about this,” Jieqiong says, looks up from her own phone, “and she can probably ask the manager to fix it.”

Mina shrugs, “This happens pretty often.”

Jieqiong frowns, “Just because it’s happened before doesn’t mean it should keep happening.”

Mina shrugs again.

“You gotta stand up for yourself a little more,” Jieqiong says, “Don’t let mean people step all over you.”

Mina shrugs, “This doesn’t seem like a big deal. And manager-oppa isn’t mean, probably just forgetful.”

“Time’s precious,” Jieqiong says, pauses, wiggles her eyebrows, “also not sure how he’d forget about you. You’re pretty precious too.”

“Unnie~!”

Jieqiong laughs, nudges Mina on the shoulder, “It’s true though. We don’t get to see you enough because you're in the sleepy room. You should hang out with us more.”

Mina is sure she’s blushing a little, “Jieqiong-unnie, you’re turning into Sejeong-unnie.”

Jieqiong’s grin only widens, “That sounds like a good thing if you’re saying it.”

“Yah unnie!” Mina hits back at Jieqiong who looks shocked.

“Did you just hit me?”

“S-Sorr-”

Jieqiong laughs, “I was just kidding~ I don't bite.”

She winks.

“Ah unnie! Don't do things like that!”

“But it's fun,” Jieqiong fake-pouts, bats her eyelashes obnoxiously on purpose, “you're fun.”

Mina can't help but giggle.

* * *

Mina swiftly discovers that Jieqiong has discovered that she can be horsed around with. Nayoung-unnie and Chungha-unnie have Yoojung and Somi, Chaeyeon-unnie mothers everyone and Sejeong-unnie has no qualms with anyone but Jieqiong-unnie was a little more guarded in the past but has not been holding back with her of late.

It’s not that Mina was deliberately hiding that she likes playing, it’s just that the awkwardness she has with unnies in general takes a while to subside - being polite has been bred into her bones and it is difficult for her to joke around with the unnies, let alone speak casually with them like Somi sometimes does. This discovery is also greatly helped by the fact that they stand next to each other at most events (and that Chaeyeon-unnie stands on the other side of Jieqiong-unnie and those two are by far the most awkward duo within I.O.I, don’t let anyone tell you anything otherwise).

They loiter by the check-in counter because group check-ins are definitely more efficient but still take forever since all eleven of them plus staff are heading back this time. They’re checking some of the others in now but the airline people are taking a while so Mina turns and sees the Victoria’s Secret bag in Jieqiong’s hand.

Ooh, Victoria’s Secret.

She knows what that means.

Mina grins, points and tugs at the lip of the bag.

“So who’s that for?”

Jieqiong wiggles her eyebrows, “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Ah, unnie!”

Mina is wholly unprepared for Jieqiong’s face to suddenly get really big and for the lightest sensation to land on her lips.

She stares back, stunned.

Jieqiong looks equally shocked for a moment before Yeonjung waves for Mina to head back - the airline staff want to check her luggage in.

In the hubbub that follows that involves checking bags, getting tickets and herding all eleven sleep-deprived and jetlagged girls towards the gate, Mina forgets about the incident.

It doesn’t seem real. To be fair, IOI itself still doesn’t feel real.

* * *

“Oh look it’s our tangerine,” greets her the moment she steps into the room.

She grins, steps into the hug.

Hands squish her cheeks.

It’s hard to admit but the IOI beagles’ touchy-feeliness really is something special. No matter how much Nayoung (Kim) and Hyeyeon like to throw arms around shoulders, there is something about someone having no qualms whatsoever with running their hands all over your face as Jieqiong-unnie is doing to her.

That and it’s literally been forever since Mina has seen the other IOI members since Gugudan was busy with their debut song and the unit was also promoting Whatta Man.

“Ah, unnie!”

“You’re the only one that keeps saying that,” Jieqiong grins, “We’ve missed you, our tangerine!”

Nayoung (Im) wraps her arms around her shoulders and nods.

“I missed all of you too,” Mina says, “I hardly even see you in school nowadays. I wish I could see you more often.”

Jieqiong pouts at her.

* * *

“If it’s yellow then it’s gotta be Mina,” she hears Jieqiong-unnie say, which sounds about right but she really doesn’t know what they are talking about.

“Do it together,” the PD says.

Do… what together? Some form of strange greeting?

“You have to be serious about this,” Jieqiong-unnie says rather seriously.

Mina is desperately trying not to laugh, tries to get a word in sideways but then Yellow Popcorn, hands around the head, a chest pop, takes very serious shape before her eyes.

She follows along and Jieqiong-unnie winks.

They do it once more for the camera before Mina is summoned away by the nice people that do their makeup.

Not before she sees the smile on Jieqiong’s face.

* * *

It’s been days and enough people have started to call for Yellow Popcorn that even the PDs mention it.

They oblige but honestly Mina still doesn’t quite understand why this Yellow Popcorn thing is so big. She’s also not sure why none of the others seem to be willing to play along but it’s fun and already as it is she barely gets the time to hang out with the other girls before she goes back to Gugudan.

“Unnie,” she gently nudges Sejeong-unnie.

“Hm?” Sejeong looks up from her phone, smiles.

“What’s this Yellow Popcorn thing about?”

Sejeong frowns slightly, “aren’t you and Jieqiong the two in it?”

“Yeah,” Mina says, “but I was kinda dragged into it.”

Sejeong shrugs, “seemed like something she came up with on the spot.”

“Then why me?”

“Because you didn’t say no?”

Mina shrugs, “should I have?”

Sejeong looks at her, “it seems fine. Jieqiong seems like she likes it so...”

Mina nods.

She doesn’t really get why but if this makes people happy she’s all for it. Besides, this has definitely given her the opportunity she’s wanted to hang out more with the unnies, never mind the fact that the rest are a little too shy to participate in this (the words shy and Sejeong-unnie don’t go together but hey there’s a first for everything).

* * *

“Who’s heard of Yellow Popcorn,” she hears and immediately scurries off stage to find Jieqiong.

The Yellow Popcorn greeting is, by now, something incredibly familiar - it feels like she’s been doing this all her life.

Mina giggles as she is tugged closer by Jieqiong.

“I’m in charge of,” she pauses, “facial expressions!”

“I’m in charge of rap,” Jieqiong grins.

“Ah, M-I-C Zhou!”

“MC Zhou,” Jieqiong corrects her, “MC, not M-I-C.”

“And what are you?”

Mina grins, “Kang Mina.”

* * *

The last fansign is over.

Mina is desperately trying not to cry again.

Well, they said it was the last fansign, all the fans kept saying that they would wait, then Sejeong-unnie started crying and Doyeon is telling people that it’s okay to follow other groups first but to please come back so really Mina is already sobbing on the inside.

And then she had to speak.

It’s not the end yet, there are still a couple of days left and there’s technically the second unit but she knows that they’ll have Gugudan things to do and this is basically it and the words really don’t want to come out but she has to say something because this is the last moment.

So she burst into tears, cried even harder after the other members tried to comfort her, heard Somi’s “Hey Girl”, felt Chungha-unnie’s arms around her waist.

It’d been a crazy ride that she always knew she’d have to get off but it had never seemed real until now.

There will not ever be a fansign with ‘Very Very Very’ in the background, she won’t ever get to sit between Somi and Yeonjung, lean over to see Yoojung and Chungha-unnie, they won’t…

No more comebacks, no one year anniversary, not even a name for their fans.

It’s just over.

She picks up her bag from where they had left their stuff before the fansign, blows her nose now that she is no longer on stage.

Mina wonders what her experience with the I.O.I unnies would have been like if she had not been signed to Jellyfish. Perhaps she may have had more time and more opportunities to get to know the others better. Perhaps that would only make this hurt more.

‘Tis better to have loved and lost, she’s been told.

‘Tis better to have met these girls than to have never known them.

She joins Sejeong-unnie in the van.

After all, they have to meet the Gugudan girls in two hours to film.

 


	4. Fine

Fine  
 _Nayoung/Jieqiong_

* * *

Nayoung watches Yoojung rub her face on Jieqiong and decides that Choi Yoojung is at once the best and worst thing that has happened to her in a very long time.

Don’t get her wrong.

Yoojung is incredibly adorable. There’s just something about her that needs to be protected even if she is fully capable of protecting herself. Yoojung is clingy, loving, caring, selfless, ridiculously hardworking and kind, so, so kind.

Nayoung finds herself smiling just at the thought of Yoojung.

It’s not Yoojung though.

* * *

Her mother sends her the photo - you look happy, I'm glad that you have one of your seniors with you.

Jieqiong has never seen this photo before. They don't usually have time to look themselves up on the Internet and she is really bad at not getting mad at mean comments about the other girls so she tries not to look these things up.

It is a good photo. The lighting is great, the image is sharp, she is in focus and she has the happiest grin on her face, so wide her eyes are scrunched up.

She can still remember the moment.

Of course she remembers the moment. That moment is the exact reason why she has a problem and she knows it.

* * *

Something has changed, Nayoung knows, but she does not know what changed.

Alright that's a lie.

She knows what changed.

Jieqiong does not cuddle up to her nearly as often as she used to.

What Nayoung does not know is why that happened. She's tried thinking about it but cannot think of something that she had done specifically that would cause this. They have not had any arguments since joining IOI, nothing beyond her limited frustrations of being leader and having to round all the kids up all the time.

To be honest, it has probably been going on for a while but it was only recently that Chungha pointed out that Jieqiong has been sticking to the beagle room a lot more than she used to.

But she sees it now.

Jieqiong cuddles Yoojung and Mina the same way she used to, sidles up to Sejeong and Doyeon as she pleases, even took a selca with Chaeyeon recently, but it has been awhile since she has approached Nayoung. Even with them travelling together back to Pledis for the V App filming, Nayoung does not remember the last time Jieqiong wrapped her arms around her elbow.

It is kind of strange, she decides, but not too strange.

After all, Jieqiong had always been closer to the other Pledis girls her age (Eunwoo and Yebin and well, Siyeon who is not the same age but was a trainee also for forever). Nayoung knows that they only got closer because they are from the same company - she is familiar and it is easier to build common ground with someone who is familiar.

In fact, Jieqiong and her are nothing alike.

Even amongst friends Nayoung is quiet, Jieqiong is loud and outspoken, probably the first to greet Tiffany-unnie on stage despite being the largest closet Sone Nayoung has ever met. (OK maybe Eunwoo is a bigger fan but she does not hide it.)

Nayoung’s family is about as average as it gets, they run a small diner that conjures up memories of wet floors and mops after closing. Jieqiong’s family is well off and it shows in her clothes and bags even if she doesn't mention it.

Nayoung is the nodding listener on the side, Jieqiong is the storyteller, moodmaker, center of attention.

She could go on, the list would only get longer.

So she knows that this makes sense. Jieqiong has probably found her people amongst IOI, the girls who have fun and joke like she does and so she is more comfortable with them and it makes sense that she gravitates to them instead of not-very-interesting Nayoung.

The thought makes Nayoung a little empty on the inside but she snuggles Yoojung and feels alright.

* * *

Jieqiong feels like she has been replaced.

Logically she knows that is not the case because you cannot be replaced if you were never the one of choice before but she does not feel like being logical right now.

Gone are the days when she could claim Nayoung-unnie as her unnie. Now Nayoung-unnie’s favorite oscillates between Yoojung, Mina and Yeonjung and she has literally been ignored at least twice in the favor of Sohye, who Nayoung could barely even hold conversation with after Produce 101.

It's not like you were ever her favorite, her traitorous brain whispers, you know she's always found Yoojung adorable. You know she let you cling to her only because you are familiar and you don't make faces when she smiles. (Although you make surprised faces when she does aegyo to everyone - everyone else but you - because that is not a thing she did with the Pledis girls and you are really not used to it.)

Now that she is comfortable with the other girls it makes sense that she would go to them first instead of having to fall back to you. She knows Yoojung will not reject her. She knows Mina will always let her cling on.

To be honest with herself, the problem here though, is really not that Jieqiong is being replaced. That much she can deal with. People drift. That’s normal. The problem here is that she does not like that she is being replaced.

Yebin once said, extraordinarily wisely for the circumstance (Jieqiong had been lost in the middle of Seoul all alone with a dying phone battery, no cash and an extremely limited mastery of Korean but that is a story for another day), that humans, especially friends, generally do not like being replaced.

Which is probably true but does not make her feel any better about this.

Cuddling Yoojung though - that makes her feel better.

She should probably also retrieve her red stuffed animal from the adult room but doing that would require going in.

* * *

“Huh,” Chungha says.

“You don't think so?” Nayoung stretches a little before she gets into her bed.

“Well, we've all gotten closer in the last few months,” she hears Chungha shrug, “and the beagles have always hung out with each other so I'm not sure I'd say she's avoiding you.”

“I see,” Nayoung says.

“It's true that she doesn't come over here as often but we're also outside more often nowadays?”

Nayoung nods.

They have all been acutely aware of what little time they have left and, in her case, have given up on sleep to hang out more with this bunch of wonderful crazies.

“I mean,” Chungha says, “you guys will be debuting together anyway right? I'm sure it's fine.”

Nayoung hears Somi shriek outside, closely followed by a Doyeon cackle and then ‘Yahh~!’ which can really only come from one person.

She smiles, “I guess it's fine.”

* * *

This is not fine.

Jieqiong is now very aware that she is very not okay with being replaced.

Sure, Nayoung-unnie does not remember that time she backhugged her while they were trainees because she thought Jieqiong was Siyeon (which totally still counts by the way), but somehow her very-not-okay-ness slips out while she is sitting there and watch Nayoung-unnie thank Yeonjung for being a happy virus (which is true, it is impossible to bring Yeonjung down).

She knows they think she said it in jest, knows Nayoung-unnie probably thinks she said it in jest too and therefore proceeded to carry on as if no one had said anything.

Part of her wants to believe she meant it entirely in jest but the fact that the lack of a response actually hurt means that there is really no way she was joking.

She hides it away in a smile, tries to figure out why - tries to figure out a way to not see what she knows by now is blindingly obvious.

This is definitely not fine.

* * *

Nayoung subconsciously scoots over to where Jieqiong is filming her selca MV. Dodaeng are in a corner horsing around, Sejeong is hovering over Mina and Yeonjung has taken Sohye captive for now.

It feels so natural, joining the frame, making faces at the camera, lifting the phone from Jieqiong’s hand and helping her film.

Chungha even joins in and the three of them dance a silly dance to the last few bars of Very Very Very.

“Narong-unnie!” comes the call from the other side of the room as the music fades away.

She turns, looks at Yoojung, “Yoodaeng-ah!”

Yoojung pouts, “you should be here with me!”

Chungha laughs, Doyeon rolls her eyes.

Nayoung giggles, starts to head over.

A tap on her shoulder and she turns. Jieqiong smiles, gestures at the phone in Nayoung’s hand.

Nayoung passes it over for her to return to the producers. She thinks Jieqiong’s smile does not reach her eyes but she is not sure.

Nowadays it is hard to be sure.

* * *

Jieqiong is planning something.

Nayoung has seen this face before.

It is the one that Jieqiong thinks is her being sneaky but really she is utterly incapable of looking innocent while plotting - her always expressive eyes and mouth give her away and Nayoung has seen this enough times while they were both trainees to know that something is afoot.

She could let it slide.

Jieqiong’s plans usually tend to be either harmless or very quickly reversible and definitely not mean-spirited so whatever this is will likely be more amusing than anything. Besides, Nayoung has been loosening up a little. Yoojung, Doyeon and Somi have taught her that life is meant to be taken a little less seriously and also that for some reason the audience really likes to see them be happy. Fancy that.

So it could be fine.

It probably is fine.

She should probably let this slide. Even though she is very curious to find out what this is all about, somehow it does not feel like her place to just march up and ask about it. That is not the Nayoung way.

They are not that close anymore.

* * *

“Unnie, unnie,” Somi waves a hand.

Nayoung looks around, does not see Chungha or Jieqiong behind her.

“Yes you, Nayoung-unnie,” Somi rolls her eyes.

Nayoung shuffles closer.

“Hey, uh,” Somi looks over at the sleeping Yoojung, Doyeon and Jieqiong, “do you think they’ve been a little strange lately?”

“Strange?”

Somi sighs, “well, stranger than usual.”

Nayoung shrugs, remembers Jieqiong’s plotting face, shrugs again.

“Huh,” Somi says, “Coulda sworn Jieqiong-unnie was plotting something.”

* * *

“Do you have a moment?”

Jieqiong looks down, looks back up, “I guess?”

Nayoung nods, “my room should be empty. Chungha is out.”

Jieqiong shrugs but follows her.

Nayoung shuts the door behind them, picks up the red plushie that Jieqiong had left there weeks ago and tosses it to her. She watches Jieqiong’s eyes light up in a way she has not seen in days, quashes the strange bubble of happiness that threatens to float up.

“So,” Nayoung sits down on her bed as Jieqiong sits on Chungha’s, “what are you planning?”

Jieqiong’s eyes dart to the ground as she squeezes the plushie’s arms.

Nayoung says nothing, waits for her to respond. Truth be told, seeing Jieqiong tongue-tied for reasons other than language is rather foreign to her - and Jieqiong has been able to rather fluently express herself in Korean for years now.

“I was trying to figure out how to talk to you about something,” comes the response, “but I hadn’t thought of a good way to phrase it that’s not weird.”

Nayoung shrugs, “It’s fine if it’s weird.”

She wonders if Jieqiong knows that she knows that Jieqiong is not the straightest arrow in the quiver. Not that she had been poking around in other people’s business specifically but Eunwoo had dropped a mention to an ex-girlfriend very casually once over one of their all-nighter practices and no one had reacted then.

Not that that would be weird anyway. Slightly awkward to explain to management if they ever found out, sure, but easy to hide in this industry of touchy-feely idols. Nayoung herself does not care very much about the orientation of her teammates, only that they feel comfortable being themselves and do not spend too much time angsting (which definitely does not require being gay to do).

“Well,” Jieqiong says, “I’ve been feeling like you’ve replaced me and I don’t like it.”

Trust her to drop a frickin bombshell without softening the blow, Nayoung thinks.

“Replace you?”

Jieqiong nods.

“With Yoojung, Yeonjung and Mina. And maybe Somi and Doyeon and Chungha-unnie. Or sometimes Sohye, Sejeong-unnie and Chaeyeon-unnie.”

“So like the whole group?”

Jieqiong flushes, “Well, I guess?”

She sighs, hugs the plushie closer, “I know it sounds weird which is why I’ve been thinking about how to phrase it but I didn’t find a good way and I’m still not really sure what I mean by this.”

“You mean I’ve gotten closer to them?” Nayoung frowns.

A flicker of something goes across Jieqiong’s face. Nayoung is not sure if it is doubt or guilt or hurt. She feels like she should know.

“I mean,” Jieqiong says, “it’s not that I don’t want you to get close to them. I mean, argh, what am I saying? It’s not my place to say whether you should get close to them or not, of course, but that’s not at all what I mean. I think it’s good that you-”

Jieqiong takes in a deep breath, sighs, “I don’t know what I’m saying. Never mind. But yeah, I’m not plotting anything so don’t worry about me.”

“Ah,” Nayoung says, “ok.”

Jieqiong looks up from her plushie, nods, more to herself than to Nayoung, “Yeah. Ok.”

As Jieqiong stands and leaves the room, Nayoung realizes that ‘ok’ is not really what she wanted to say, and probably not what Jieqiong wanted to hear.

* * *

Fix it, comes the text the next morning.

You broke her somehow, Eunwoo’s text continues, she called Siyeon and they chatted for two hours and she made Siyeon promise to not tell us what that was about and Siyeon didn’t tell us but we’re sure it has to do with IOI so you should fix it, Stone Leader.

Nayoung is naturally grumpy in the mornings even though she tries not to be - mornings just are not her thing and she usually has to deal with the other kids on top of wrestling herself out of bed - so the text immediately sets her on the defensive.

Sometimes being leader is not fun at all.

Well, scratch that. Most of the time, being leader is not fun at all. This is just one more thing she is going to have to get used to, members being all strange and dramatic on their own for no reason.

Sure enough, Jieqiong is moody and quiet as they gather by the door to leave and Nayoung, for some reason, has had enough of this.

She has had enough of being given a slightly colder shoulder than usual, has had enough of being told by people who are not here that there are yet more things she has to fix - because a team’s shortcomings are a leader’s shortcomings, has has enough of not knowing what Jieqiong is thinking.

“Hurry up,” she snaps a little more sharply than usual, watches the flicker of hurt cross her face.

It does not make her feel better.

* * *

A full day of watching Jieqiong snuggle with Yoojung then Yeonjung then Mina then Sejeong and then Chungha does nothing to help Nayoung’s mood. Hell, Jieqiong even manages a full conversation with Chaeyeon and instead of feeling happy that the two of them are finally being less awkward, it only serves to make Nayoung more agitated.

“Hey,” Sejeong nudges her just as the car pulls up to the unit dorm.

Nayoung turns, half out of the car.

“It’s showing,” Sejeong says, flicks eyes at Nayoung’s, “your green eyes.”

“Green eyes?”

Sejeong just wiggles her head, grins and hugs Yoojung one last time before the Fantagio girl leaves the car.

Nayoung hits her head on the top of the car door frame and bites back a loud angry swear word.

“Careful,” Jieqiong says from inside the car.

Nayoung rounds on her with the irrational fury of someone that is looking for something to blame, drawls, “Thanks.”

Chungha frowns at her tone, Jieqiong looks like she’s been slapped, Nayoung feels even more terrible than she has been all day, steps fully out of the car, steps out of the way of Jieqiong who rushes past her, rubbing her eyes more forcefully than strictly necessary.

Sejeong sighs, “You two really need to talk.”

* * *

Nayoung emerges from the shower, towel in her hair.

Somi tsks at her and the Fantagio girls quickly scatter out of the way, scuttling into their room, presumable to cause whatever ruckus in privacy now.

“She’s in her room,” Chungha says, pokes her head out of their room, tugs Somi and Sohye into the adult room then shuts it in Nayoung’s face.

Nayoung supposes she deserves this, also knows that this is not what Doyeon meant a long time ago when she had said that Nayoung should get angry at them from time to time.

She knocks on the closed door, waits, hears no response then opens it.

Jieqiong glares at her from behind red-rimmed eyes.

Well, off to a fantastic start, Nayoung. Good job.

Nayoung sits on Sohye’s bed.

“I’m sorry,” she says.

Jieqiong continues glaring at her.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” she sighs, “I really shouldn’t have.”

The glare softens but Jieqiong sniffles instead.

Nayoung sighs. Why does this need to be so difficult? Why does Jieqiong need to be so difficult?

“Look,” she says, “I’m sorry I took my bad day out on you, alright?”

She can see Jieqiong’s glance grow wary and concerned, the eternal softie.

“It’s nothing,” she says, pre-empting the question, “I’m fine.”

Jieqiong’s eyes start brimming over with tears again and now Nayoung is literally at her wit’s end. What in the world is this?

“You don’t tell me anything any-,” Jieqiong sniffles, “anything.”

Nayoung frowns, “you’ve been busy with the others recently.”

“What?” Jieqiong’s voice raises, “I’ve been busy with the others?”

Nayoung’s frown deepens, “Yes.”

“You’re the one who’s busy.”

Now it is Nayoung’s turn to be taken aback, “Me?”

Jieqiong dabs angrily at a tear, “Yes?”

“No,” Nayoung says, “that’s not true.”

Jieqiong snorts.

“You don’t come over to me anymore,” it tumbles out of Nayoung’s mouth before she can stop herself, “you just hang out with all the others.”

Jieqiong shoots her an incredulous look.

“It’s true,” Nayoung says, “all day today. Even though we stood next to each other for one of the events and you know how rare that is.”

“I-” Jieqiong’s mouth opens then closes.

“It’s true.”

Jieqiong puts her face in her hands and Nayoung is worried that she went too far although she really does not see how whatever she said now would be going too far but to be fair Nayoung is tired and the day has been long and she does not like apologizing and definitely does not like it when Jieqiong cries so she really is at the very end of her patience today, so even if Jieqiong is really crying she is not going to do anything about it, she tells herself.

This lasts a grand total of two seconds as Jieqiong's shoulders start shaking and Nayoung melts, scoots over and puts an arm around her shoulders, which for some reason, makes her instantly feel better.

“-idiots,” comes the muffled voice.

“I’m sorry?”

“We’re idiots,” Jieqiong says, grins, "you and I."


	5. Fair

Fair  
 _Somi, Doyeon, Nayoung_

* * *

It starts from Doyeon trying to look up pictures of them on the Internet.

Really, all she wanted was a nice fan taken picture of the ending position to send to a distant relative who lived in a different country and was like “IOI who?”.

She finds the article first.

It probably is not a good idea that Doyeon is the first to find it. The unnies tend to be better at rationalizing things. Doyeon and Somi and Yeonjung just say what is on their minds.

But she cannot turn time back, cannot un-click that link and read the article.

Doyeon has a terrible habit too, of reading Internet comments. There is just something about them that she knows she should not go see but draw her anyway so she follows the links like an angry lost puppy, sees the numbers, and is instantly furious and sad.

She was not grossly unhappy before - it seemed reasonable that they did not win since Whistle was quite the song (totally her jam for like two whole weeks) - but the numbers do not lie and the fans worked hard for this and Doyeon just feels sad and sorry and frustrated.

“Whatchu lookin at?”

Yoojung drapes arms around her shoulder.

Doyeon quickly swipes the article away.

“Nothing.”

“Ehh,” Yoojung sticks her tongue out.

Doyeon stands, lets Yoojung’s hands fall to her waist.

“I'm going to go wash up.”

Yoojung pouts at her but releases her and heads out the door presumably in search of an unnie to cuddle.

Doyeon thinks about throwing her towel at the floor to vent her anger but knows that it really will not make a difference.

* * *

Somi is kind of mad. Sad mad frustrated. Dani texted her earlier about the performance comforting her a little about them not winning - not that she did not know they had not won - if you don't have a seat on stage you didn't win anything, that's how it's always been.

And she thought she would be OK with that but she's not.

There's still the next one, she knows, but they're also only doing the red carpet performance so it's kind of telling.

Somi is really not OK with this and so she is grumpier than she really needs to be, having waved bye to the managers with far less energy than usual and just sulking in the car with her earphones in.

Now they are back at the dorm, all eleven of them, which is rare, and she managed to win her way into washing up earlier, which is somewhat rarer because Sohye is a beast at rock paper scissors, but she is too mad to sleep because she is not OK with this so she wanders out into the living room.

Sure, they won't win best artist or best song or best album or best dance because there are tons of crazy good sunbaes.

But she had thought they had a good chance at this one - she had even voted for themselves a few times just to check on the status of the vote standings.

It's enough that they don't get to go on Inkigayo, that almost none of the variety shows outside of the Mnet network invite them for things, but to be snubbed like this makes Somi feel helpless and she hates feeling helpless.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

She turns at Chungha's voice.

Chungha pats the space on the couch next to her and Somi gladly cuddles up, rests on her shoulder.

Chungha pats her on the head, “You guys did well with the dance break.”

Somi smiles despite herself, “that's cos you're a great teacher and the choreo was bomb.”

“Eyy,” Chungha says.

* * *

Nayoung emerges from the shower only to find Yeonjung, Somi and Doyeon glaring at each other in the living room.

She clears her throat and Somi jumps.

“What is this?”

Somi mutters something under her breath but Doyeon just frowns and stands.

Yeonjung shrugs, “I think I'm too happy?”

Nayoung’s frown deepens.

“Too happy?”

Yeonjung rolls her eyes, “These two are still salty that we didn't win the rookie award.”

Somi squishes the pillow in her hands, Doyeon looks like she wants to say something but her eyes flick first to Nayoung and she says nothing.

Ah.

It would be these two hot-headed kids.

And to be honest, Nayoung herself is a little disappointed too, but like the adult and leader that she is, she has to lead by example.

“Well,” Doyeon says, “we should have won.”

Somi nods vigorously.

Nayoung sighs, “But we didn't.”

“Yeah, but-”

“We didn't,” Yeonjung says, “but there's still the next one so it's fine.”

“It's not right,” Doyeon snaps, “The numbers are just wrong.”

Somi looks at her hands.

“We didn't get it,” Nayoung says, knows how much this means to Somi but also that this is reality.

“It has happened. Nothing we say or do is going to change this.”

“But unnie-”

“It's not fair,” Somi says.

Yeonjung rolls her eyes, “What's not fair? Life's not fair.”

Somi wrings the pillow.

By now they have attracted a larger audience. Chungha stands by the entrance to their room, Yoojung sits by the TV, Sohye and Mina leaning against the kitchen doorframe. Sejeong and Jieqiong’s chatter in their room dies down as they hear the silence and they too make their way out.

“It's not fair,” Somi says, “What if we don't get it and-”

Yeonjung shrugs, “If we don't get it, we don't get it. That's all. It's not like we need it.”

Oh dear, thinks Nayoung.

“It's not whether we need it or not,” Doyeon says, “We don't need this. It's just not fair.”

Silence falls over the group. Nayoung thinks she should probably say something. She knows Somi really wanted this and Somi does not like to let go of things she really wants. It is at once an admirable and tiring trait.

The edges of Somi’s mouth twitch, “It's especially not fair for you, unnie.”

Yeonjung raises her eyebrows, laughs, “Me? Why me?”

“Because you guys have already debuted in other groups and if you don't get it now then it's not going to happen and that's not fair, it's really not fair because you worked so hard promoting in two groups and we really should be first but it was stolen from you and that's not fair!”

Oh.

Oh Somi.

“Somi-ah,” Sejeong smiles, “We're glad that you're thinking of us. But it's alright.”

“But it's not,” Doyeon says, “The num-”

“It is,” Chaeyeon comes out from the room, “we don't need the award.”

“I know we don't need it,” Somi says, “I'm young but I'm not stupid.”

Nayoung sighs.

Chaeyeon frowns, “We don't need it because we don't need other people to pat us on the back and say we did a good job. We know we've worked hard.”

She sighs, “I know that it sounds patronizing for me to say that we worked hard when I wasn't here for a lot of it but I know that you all worked really hard.”

“No one's worked harder than you, Chaeyeon-ah”, Sejeong says.

“Yeah! And that's why it's not fair!” Somi leaps to her feet, “Why don't you get it? You and Sejeong-unnie and Mina-unnie and Yeonjung-unnie, you've worked so hard and this is the last chance to get this but it was stolen from you!”

Chaeyeon shrugs, Mina looks startled at being addressed.

“It's hard for us to get anything at all and the one thing we thought we could get… It's just not fair.”

“It's alright even if we don't get anything,” Mina starts haltingly as she realizes that they are all listening to her, “I-I've had a lot of fun, made a lot of wonderful memories. I think that's enough for me.”

“Yup,” Yeonjung says, “Weren't we going to enjoy our time together as much as we can?”

“Yeah, but-”

“No buts,” Sejeong says, “We're alright with this, we still get to spend time together, we really appreciate your concern for us but it's alright. We have you, Somi, you and all of us. We're still in this together. It may not be fair but it is enough, well, for me at least.”

Nayoung holds her breath and waits for the cogs in Somi’s head to stop spinning.

Somi sighs, throws her pillow at Yeonjung.

“Yah, Jeon Somi!”

Nayoung smiles.

* * *

Doyeon finds her later as she is digging through their kitchen cabinets for cereal.

“Unnie,” she says.

“Hm?”

“Is there really nothing we can do?”

Nayoung sets the bowl down, looks at Doyeon gripping her phone in her hands.

“I mean, it’s not that we’d be saying things that aren’t true. The numbers don’t add up. The rules don’t make sense. You can’t just change them like this.”

She knows.

Minkyung texted earlier, sent screenshots, linked articles, pasted in DC Gallery comments.

Nayoung shrugs, “We could talk to the managers but there’s really nothing we can do. It’s not going to change anything.”

“But they’re wrong,” Doyeon says, “they changed things, they made it different. It’s not right.”

Nayoung nods.

As much as she wants to agree with Doyeon, wants to make a fuss about this, wants to raise hell and get her girls what they deserve, she is the leader of a group that has two months left, a group that YMC has taken under their wing because no other agency would.

She has no say and no way to get to say things, no way to make their voices truly heard. And even if there were a way to do so, it would leave a bitter taste, would not go down well.

This is how their industry works.

This is how the world works.

“It’s not right,” she says.

“It’s not,” Doyeon says.

“But we’ll be alright.”

Doyeon frowns, looks at the phone in her hand, then up at Nayoung.

Nayoung reaches over, gently takes it and places it on the table, “I know you’re upset.”

Doyeon nods.

“We all are,” Nayoung says, “no one wants this. No one likes this.”

“It’s not fair,” Doyeon says.

“Yes,” Nayoung says, “but it’s what we’ve got. There is still much to be thankful for.”

Doyeon sighs.

“Isn’t there?” Nayoung says just as a very loud “Yah, Jeon Somi!” comes from the Beagle room.

“There is,” Doyeon mumbles.

Nayoung reaches over, squishes her cheeks, makes Doyeon nod with her hands.

“There is.”

Doyeon turns her head away a little but Nayoung catches the slightest hint of a smile.


	6. Meet Me in the Sky

Meet Me in the Sky  
 _Yoojung (DoDaeng if you squint)_

* * *

Sure she had not been on the other side of the unassailable wall of votes that was Sejeong-unnie and Somi but Yoojung knows that she will make it in.

It's pretty far to fall out of the top eleven from third place, Mnet doesn't hate her and she's been feeling fairly confident with this new song

It's Doyeon she's worried about.

Doyeon only just made it into the top eleven in the last ranking, and the fact that people like Kang Mina, Jung Chaeyeon and Joo Kyulkyung were not in that list only makes her even more nervous.

Not being able to talk about it makes it worse but it's hard to talk about because she's safe but Doyeon isn't.

So Yoojung bites her tongue, frowns at the board where they are choosing positions then exacts revenge on Han Hyeri. Well, she had also sort of been interested in that position so if Doyeon couldn't have it then at least one of them could.

Then the PDs who have always been extraordinarily kind to her ask about it and she feels a little brave that day after practicing so she doesn't deny it.

Why would she, anyway?

Doyeon avoids her glance a little over dinner. Yoojung pretends she doesn’t care.

* * *

Even though Sejeong-unnie was totally her girl crush for the first week or so of Produce 101 - both Yoojung and Doyeon voted for her - by the end of the program Yoojung has found other friends, other unnies to fill her need for people.

But then the program ends and it's just the eleven of them and Yoojung needs to figure out who she can snuggle up to because she is a Yoojung and Yoojungs need their snuggles.

In the beginning it is easiest for Yoojung to fling herself at Sejeong-unnie. Sejeong-unnie pats people on the head readily, gives out hugs whenever, grins at them and calls them kids. She also does not turn down snuggles. Ever. Even in her sleep as Yoojung finds out once.

But Sejeong-unnie is often busy, running around filming that home shopping show, being invited to things and having to prep with Gugudan.

So Yoojung’s quest continues.

* * *

Yoojung is nervous.

Ever since they started promoting as IOI she has been able to get over her nerves by snuggling up to one of the other members, sometimes Sejeong-unnie, sometimes Chungha-unnie and she is still trying to break Nayoung-unnie down to accept her hugs but she can see that happening on the horizon.

Today though, for some reason, she is the only one still awake in the car.

They spend so long in the car everyday, going from place to place, recording studio to outdoor venue, brand fansigns to university events - Yoojung finds universities entirely foreign since she’s just started high school and already that is strange with the tall older kids, not to mention universities full of adults. The girls are so very used to sleeping in cars by now. Yoojung has her favorite Brown neck pillow, Doyeon has the blanket her mother knitted for her, etc.

Maybe it was a pothole, maybe it was a bump that was higher than the rest, maybe it was a sharper turn but whatever it was, Yoojung is now wide awake.

They are heading to a recording of some sort, she’s forgotten exactly what it is but somehow for some reason she can’t remember the lyrics to the new song even if they had just recorded the song yesterday. She's tried thinking about it but the chorus is stuck in her head and nothing sounds right and a single wrong syllable is enough to throw the rap off.

She knows it's not a big deal. She could just ask them when they wake up. But what if she doesn't have them in time and can't remember on stage? What if she remembers the words wrong and then says them wrong on stage?

The car goes over a hump and Doyeon’s head lolls over onto Yeonjung’s shoulder.

She knows she's worrying too much about this, she knows, but that doesn't stop the fear, doesn't stop the anxiety. What if she screws up and then they decide they don't want to debut her after all?

She squeezes her neck pillow in her hands, squishes Brown's ears, wrings her blanket, wishes she were sitting next to Doyeon.

It still doesn't feel real. This doesn't feel real. This dream could all be over in a second if she screws it up.

Even performances on music shows just kind of feel like the taping for Produce 101 and even though she knows that this is the real world, even though she knows, it just doesn't feel right.

Yoojung thinks she is about to burst into tears which she really doesn't want to do in front of these girls. That thought only makes her want to cry even more.

She sees a familiar building in the distance, feels her heart begin to pound in her ears.

They’re here. They’re here. It’s starting. It’s too late. She’s going to screw it all up and then it’s going to be over.

The first tear leaks out and she hastily dabs it away, hands shaking.

Then Chungha-unnie sleepily puts an arm around her shoulders and Yoojung can temporarily breathe again.

* * *

Chaeyeon-unnie took no time whatsoever.

Yoojung trips once while they were practicing for Yum Yum and immediately Chaeyeon-unnie has the most concerned look on her face and even though Somi and Soyeon-unnie are next to her instantly, it is Chaeyeon who stays back a little to ask if Yoojung’s ankle is alright.

Yoojung nods.

Chaeyeon says, “Ah,” then pats her on the head before they both realize what just happened.

Yoojung grins, Chaeyeon ducks her head but smiles.

Doyeon grumbles a little about how long Yoojung made her wait. Yoojung sticks her tongue out but latches on anyway because it is cold.

* * *

Yoojung loves snuggles and makes this abundantly clear with anyone who does not hate snuggles, which happens to be the entirety of IOI.

And Somi.

Especially Somi.

It helps that Somi has very little concept of unnies. Yoojung knows that Somi understands what having an unnie means, knows how to be respectful and distant if needed, but if an unnie is to let Somi in it means to basically surrender almost all unnie-privileges.

Oh who is she kidding.

She does not even remember when it first happened, probably at some point when a bunch of them were just hanging out in the cafeteria or something but Somi joins in on a joke and within minutes they are squishing up against each other.

It is easy to look at Somi from afar and be awed.

She is the crazy confident younger sister, loud and straightforward and unafraid in public and everything Yoojung is not.

But Somi loves cuddles even if she is strong and independent and Yoojung also loves cuddles and they understand each other in a way they have never talked about because they, like most of IOI, are hard workers for whom nothing drops from the sky.

They get along fabulously because Yoojung is straightforward with friends and self-deprecating and Somi understands and laughs and gets it and still calls her Yoojung-unnie.

“Yoojung-unnie! Get out here!”

Yoojung sighs and stops organizing her things.

Then she puts on a pair of sunglasses and dashes out the room to headbang to Dawin’s Dessert because that is her jam.

Somi pushes her and Jieqiong-unnie and Doyeon die of laughter.

* * *

Yeonjung is easy.

She whoops loudly and rushes over to congratulate Yoojung on an amazing performance for Bang Bang, grabs hold of Yoojung’s hands and only lets go when both of them realize what is happening.

Yeonjung likes people.

Yoojung is people.

Easy.

But really, Yeonjung even manages to warm up to Nayoung-unnie during Produce 101, which is a feat that not many outside of Nayoung’s evaluation groups manage. For her to smile and wave and even come over to hug Yoojung from time to time is not surprising.

Also, for as much as Doyeon says she does not get along with Yeonjung, they seem enjoy annoying the bejeezus out of each other and being right there next to Doyeon, Yoojung gets a first row seat into the amazing, wonderful, absolutely insane experience that it is to be around Yeonjung.

Besides, it is hilarious to see someone get the better of Doyeon.

* * *

Sohye is a closet-lover of cuddles but has no shame with butts.

Yoojung knows this because she is a source of cuddles and sometimes finds it hard to dish them out to Sohye who blushes too easily and is way too happy at any form of this sort of attention.

They get to stand next to each other often though, more often than her and Doyeon, at least, since they are of somewhat not too disparate heights.

Sohye smacks Yoojung’s butt.

Yoojung grins, grabs the hand and smacks herself, which then buys her enough invisible Sohye-points to cuddle, which really does make everyone happy.

* * *

Mina she gets by being herself and watching the Jellyfish girl a little too closely one day during rehearsal and coming to the realization that damn, Mina can dance.

“Yoojung-ah,” Mina waves a hand in front of her face.

“O-Oh,” Yoojung snaps out of it for a moment. Gotta stop looking at butts for a moment, girl, even if that butt can dance.

“We’re leaving,” Sejeong grins, “Shouldn’t you at least say bye to your favorite unnie?”

“You mean me?” Chaeyeon smiles.

“Nuh-uh,” Mina says, “Chungha-unnie is Yoojung’s favorite unnie.”

“I thought you were on my side, Mina-yah!”

“Never was,” Mina says, “I’m on Yoojung’s side.”

“It’s either Chungha-unnie or Nayoung-unnie,” Doyeon says, “Mina’s right.”

Mina beams.

* * *

It is mostly with snuggles that Yoojung wins Nayoung-unnie over.

Well, that and copious amount of pouting and aegyo. Not that she needed to do anything deliberately, really, just be around people who are her unnies and all of a sudden Yoojung is the cutie-pie that she swears is really just the result of Mnet’s editing. (Though, realistically, while it is possible to splice things together to project a certain image, it is impossible for them to create facial expressions that she did not show so…)

In this age of fierce independent women, of whom Yoojung is also undoubtedly one, just not all the time, it probably is refreshing to have someone who wants to be taken care of.

Or something.

To be honest, Yoojung has never thought about what it is that makes people love her because thinking about it only makes her want to doubt herself and crawl into a hole and hide her face for all eternity.

But whatever it is, she is eternally grateful to the nation’s producers who have pulled her out of trainee-anonymity and into IOI and who have allowed her to meet Nayoung-unnie.

Before IOI, Yoojung had never really properly interacted with Nayoung-unnie. Sure she made lots of friends towards the last few months of the program but Nayoung-unnie was always the quieter one, mostly hanging out with the other Pledis Girlz, from time to time with the other members of her various evaluation teams, and since Yoojung never was in the same team, they had barely spoken. All she knew was what she heard other people say, which was a combination of various conflicting information - adorable, funny, scary, cold, bored.

Nayoung-unnie is the leader of IOI and Yoojung takes very well to authority figures. She does not know why, tried being a rebel at some point early on but really does not have the heart to make anyone’s work any harder than it already is so she listens well.

Part of listening well means that it is harder to horse around because horsing around takes time.

So Yoojung horses around with the kids her age, Sohye, Mina, Yeonjung (who is most eminently horse-around-able if only because she laughs so easily and says what she thinks). Somi too, who is really age-less in terms of this whole age-order that they may or may not have in IOI. Well, and Doyeon, but Doyeon is Doyeon so that is hardly interesting.

Yoojung also picks up the courage to follow in Somi’s footsteps and tries to joke with Nayoung-unnie but Nayoung-unnie reacts funnily to jokes in the sense that sometimes she thinks they are the best thing in the world and sometimes does not seem to hear them at all. Yoojung likes the moments when Nayoung-unnie smiles so she tries her very best to make more and more of those moments.

She notices that Nayoung-unnie likes imitations and does not know how to hide reactions to aegyo and really, really likes adorable things and soon enough she is clinging to Nayoung-unnie like a koala to a eucalyptus tree, snuggling up to her whenever they are close to each other, which is not often because that really accentuates Yoojung’s uh, lack of height. There are real reasons why she does not get to stand next to Doyeon at most of their events. That is one of them. There are also others but that is the main one.

Her crowning achievement is when Nayoung-unnie comes to her.

* * *

Jieqiong-unnie, Yoojung feels, has been way nicer to her than she really deserves.

She is not sure how she was chosen as center, certainly there were fewer Fantagio girls than Pledis and even then there was no colluding that she knew of, at least she had never mentioned it - she doesn't even remember if she voted for herself. (She probably did.)

But somehow Yoojung is the center and she will not complain because it would be ungrateful to do so and besides it is a blessing and why would she do anything in this competition that would make her chances to get into the last eleven any harder?

She knows of Joo Kyulkyung though.

Well, to be fair, everyone knows of all of the girls in the A group since this is a competition, but they have all also seen the Pledis girls. Doyeon definitely did when they walked in. Also, it takes balls to perform an After School song in front of Kahi-ssaem so of course Yoojung remembers them.

They mostly inhabit different circles during Produce 101 and it really does not help that Haerim is made center for the Apink song. While Yoojung and Siyeon become fast friends quickly, she never really manages to get too much time with many of the other Pledis girls who mostly have each other.

Then one day she is dragged over by Siyeon to sit with the other girls.

“Pick me Center Choi Yoojung,” Eunwoo beams, “hey~”

“H-Hi,” Yoojung says, and even though she is now comfortable at filming for Produce 101 this is still slightly somewhat intimidating because she knows they were close and she had pipped one of their own to the spot.

Yoojung really wishes she brought Doyeon along with her. Or maybe Park Soyeon-unnie who is friends with everyone. Heck, even Somi would be nice too. Maybe she will not die.

At least Kyulkyung-unnie is not here.

“She’s so cute,” Eunwoo gushes, “Look at her!”

“I want dibs,” Siyeon says.

“That’s not fair,” Yebin says, “you don’t get to bring her over and call dibs at the same time.”

“I did and I can.”

“What are we calling dibs on, I- Oh hey Yoojung!”

Yoojung turns, “H-hi Kyulkyung-unnie.”

Jieqiong’s eyes light up, “Siyeon finally stole you away!”

Yoojung blinks, “H-Huh?”

“Ugh,” Yebin says, “Well I guess that’s settled then.”

Yoojung does not know what that means but Jieqiong beams and sits down next to her.

“Dibs.”

* * *

Yoojung has never had sisters.

She's had friends, sure, but she's never had sisters. Even at Fantagio she's always been one of the older trainees amongst the girls, been the unnie to the others.

Which is why, after she gets over the shock of being a D - and being away from Doyeon and the other Fantagio girls - and again being a D because that was honestly incredibly shocking, Produce 101 turns out to be the best thing that has happened to her in forever. Being around this crop of crazy people who all share this same dream, living with them and eating with them and training with them, Yoojung sometimes wonders if she is going to wake up and have it all be a dream.

When she feels down, which is getting less and less often nowadays, she reminds herself that she is fortunate, that she has ten sisters now and even if they will one day no longer be able to see each other nearly quite so often, they will still be her sisters.

And Doyeon, well, Doyeon will always be there.

* * *

“Yah!”

She hears Doyeon from her sleepy haze.

“Choi Yoojung!”

She ignores Doyeon, turns a little to the side, feels something cold and hard beneath her.

“Yah! Choi Yoojung, wash up before you sleep!”

Oh right. That.

She moves her hands, feels the coldness of the floor beneath her fingertips this time, not those bear paws from a million years ago, and decides that maybe her skin will not peel off her face if she just does not wash up this once.

She is not growing vertically anymore anyway, so she probably does not even have to move off the floor. She has slept in front of the fridge, she can sleep anywhere.

It's fine.

“Open your eyes!”

Yoojung bats her hands feebly at Doyeon who proceeds to stick the q-tip up her nostril.

She giggles.

* * *

A/N: Feedback is much appreciated.


	7. Such Great Heights (1/2)

Such Great Heights (1/2)  
 _Nayoung/Jieqiong_

* * *

Nayoung never wanted to be the leader.

She knows she is good at organizing and getting people to move around, so it does sort of make sense that she ends up being the leader but really Nayoung adores being doted on.

As the youngest child, Nayoung had always been able to easily rely on someone. As a trainee there were always seniors to look up to, parents and siblings a call or text away and friends of the same age in school.

It is different here.

Here Nayoung is the oldest and thus she is the leader. Simple as that.

Being strong and commanding and making decisions that no one likes are not things she is comfortable doing but their society rewards age and it would be so much more work and so much more to explain to have Sejeong be the leader (and besides Sejeong is so busy with all the other things she is doing anyway) that it naturally fell to Nayoung.

It has been difficult for many reasons, but the first and foremost has always been that there is no one she can physically talk to about being leader, no one that she can comfortably pour out all her worries about not being enough or not even being right for this.

* * *

Nayoung feels a little better.

She has known this for the longest time but being able to cry has just made her lighter. And the little ones. The kids. They make her feel amazing with their hugs and cuddle and snuggles - Nayoung never knew how much she missed hugging people before she joined IOI.

Yoojung snuggles up to her non-stop for the next two hours.

Even though she knows fully well why this is happening, Nayoung is enjoying it too much to want to stop her.

They get a break from practicing the new moves for the award show they will be attending the next day and Doyeon and Yeonjung are, unsurprisingly, at it again, shrieking about something she did not quite catch the beginning of.

“Yah!”

“Blehhh, serves you right!”

“Tell me!”

“Girls,” Chungha says where Nayoung would have said something, “keep it down?”

“A-Ah,” Doyeon says and Nayoung watches Doyeon’s eyes flick over to her, “sorry.”

Yeonjung nods and Doyeon elbows her in the ribs, eliciting a yelp but no other altercations. Somi does not leap into the fray like she usually would.

Nayoung knows Sejeong is watching her, can also feel other pairs of eyes on the back of her head.

* * *

“Unnie,” Sejeong says, “got a minute?”

Nayoung nods and follows Sejeong out the door.

“Are you alright?”

Sejeong says as soon as they are out of earshot of the rest of the girls, “You’ve been a little out of it.”

Nayoung nods haltingly.

Sejeong bites her lip, “I’m sorry. I didn’t, well, I know it’s dumb and you probably already know but I didn’t realize this would hit so hard. I wouldn’t have suggested it if I’d known. I just thought-I didn’t know-I’m sorry we didn’t know you were still so worried about this.”

Nayoung shrugs.

“Really though,” Sejeong puts a hand on her shoulder and the contact makes Nayoung melt a little because she has managed to get the time to text her mom and pour out her heart a little but not to someone in person, “we meant everything we said after, that you’ve done so much for all of us and that you’re the only reason why we’re still here and still functioning.”

Nayoung shakes her head, feels her eyes water.

“No,” Sejeong says, smiles, wraps her arms around Nayoung, “it’s true. We would have lost someone in France, in LA, in Busan, in Jeju, heck, even going from the practice room to the dorms. You keep us all together and you keep us on track and that’s really hard.”

Nayoung bursts into tears because she has been so tired and it has been so hard and not being able to talk to someone face to face about this has made it even harder and she just knows on the inside that she is not enough and has not been enough but they are so kind to her regardless of her flaws and someone is holding her now which is so much more than she has been able to have in such a long time.

“Aw, our Nayoung-unnie,” Sejeong says, rubs circles on her back with her hand, “you’ve been so strong for all of us, we’re sorry we haven’t been able to be strong for you too.”

Nayoung bawls for the second time that day.

* * *

The day ends and soon they are back in the dorm to rest because they will be performing live tomorrow. It sounds crazy now and certainly last year’s Nayoung would not have believed for a moment that she would be performing at the Melon Music Awards, least of all, leading a group nominated for one.

A shower melts a lot of the tension of the day away but the hustle and bustle of the girls busying themselves with washing up means that for the first time she is left to herself and her thoughts that start to wander.

Nayoung is, by nature, an organizer. She writes things down in lists, lines them up and squares them off so naturally she finds herself reaching back through her memories of the day. All of a sudden she knows she needs to be alone for a while so she climbs the stairs to the second floor, folds herself into one of the half-removed props from LAN Cable friends.

Nayoung knows she needs to work this out. The girls deserve better. She needs to be the better person that she has always known she needed to be, the better leader that they need.

She knows they said those were not true but she knows that she is not like them, was not open and bright and sharing like Doyeon, Yeonjung and Somi, not affectionate like Yoojung, Chungha and Chaeyeon, not a confidant like Sejeong. She is just the leader in title, the order-er of things and herder of kids.

Nayoung feels the tears welling up again but she has cried her eyes out twice today and a third time would be one too many so she looks up at the dark ceiling and blinks them back.

Then she feels a body sit down next to her. Hands wrap themselves around her waist.

If it were any other day she would lean into the contact - the younger IOI kids have taught her extremely well and nowadays she actively seeks out hugs - but not right now.

Right now the events of the day are sinking in and although she knows that Doyeon does not dislike soondae soup, Yoojung was never hurt by her leaving the table early, and Yeonjung’s spirit is impossible to bring down, the small nagging feeling that there are grains of truth to candid cameras does not leave. Certainly she knows that there lies a grain of truth at the heart of this one.

A face rubs itself on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Jieqiong says.

She is still not used to this. It is not as if the Pledis girls were not touchy feely with each other - they were just rarely touchy feely with Nayoung. Jieqiong has always hugged and been hugged freely but not her and not by her. They were friends, are friends, will still be friends but Jieqiong continues to inhabit some strange middle ground of being not quite old enough to be one of the unnies and not quite young enough to be one of the kids and that makes things a little strange.

Nayoung shakes her head.

“I should probably have said something,” Jieqiong says, “I knew you were worrying about this.”

Nayoung inhales sharply.

“You did?”

Jieqiong stiffens, “y-yeah.”

Nayoung is finding it difficult to place the reason for Jieqiong’s slightly stunned look, but she realizes that she both knows and has absolutely no clue about Jieqiong. They have been trainees together for a long time and so she knows what Jieqiong is good at and what she is bad at, how she interacts with people, how soft her heart is and how kind she can be. At the same time it is only through IOI that they have spent this much time together and while they are from the same company, it is precisely because they are from the same company that they have never had the need to have to break the ice.

“Ah,” says Nayoung, pulls away and is promptly released from the side-hug, lets words spill out that she knows are true, “It’s ok. It was for the show. Doyeon doesn’t hate soondae soup, Yeonjung wasn’t actually hurt, Yoojung would never say those words. It’s alright.”

They both know what is left unsaid.

“Y-You knew I didn’t mean it either, right?”

Nayoung pauses.

“I did,” she lies.


	8. Such Great Heights (2/2)

Such Great Heights Pt 2  
 _Nayoung/Jieqiong_

* * *

Friends do not capitalize on friends’ insecurities.

Jieqiong knows that as she pats Nayoung’s shaking back from outside the large group hug.

She should have made up something about dance practice or eating or being woken up in the morning although that would have been instantly seen through. But she could have easily gotten away with something specific and maybe even slightly strange since it was clear Nayoung-unnie had not been in the right mind to really reason things out.

Not part of us.

She wants to think she does not know where that came from, could put it down to being pressured on the spot and needing to say something but those are poor excuses.

They never talked about it but she knew Nayoung-unnie had been worrying about this and she said it out loud, on camera, in front of the whole team. And all for what, screentime? Saying anything would have gotten her that. Her own satisfaction? There was no satisfaction, is no satisfaction, cannot be any satisfaction in seeing Nayoung, kind, gracious, soft-hearted Nayoung have her heart ripped out on TV.

She is the worst.

* * *

She watches Nayoung from a distance for the next few hours, sticks to Mina and Doyeon and Somi as the evening wears on.

Nayoung slowly comes back to life, nursed by snuggles from Yoojung and Sejeong-unnie’s presence by her side. Even Doyeon and Somi are somewhat subdued, stopping the moment they are told to stop and only making the slightest of faces.

Jieqiong feels small all evening, catches Chaeyeon looking at her with what seem like pitying eyes, wonders why no one marches up to her and calls her an asshole to her face.

She would feel better that way.

* * *

The second floor of their dorm is their refuge. It is where they go when they want to video chat parents away from the others, text friends without their messages being sometimes read over their shoulders, or simply be alone for a while.

Jieqiong was not intending to find anyone else there, was most certainly not searching for Nayoung but her foot scuffs the floor and makes a sound so it is too late for her to attempt to sneakily run away.

In the dim darkness Nayoung’s back looks small, as if she has somehow managed to fold herself into the prop she is sitting on. The faint rays of light from streetlamps outside make her shadow long and thin.

She should go find someone else, probably go tell Yoojung to come upstairs to keep Nayoung-unnie company. That would be right thing to do, to not hurt Nayoung-unnie any further, but Jieqiong is greedy and selfish and she has missed being close to Nayoung so she sits down, wraps her shaking hands around Nayoung’s waist, rests her head on Nayoung’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” the words escape before she is aware.

Nayoung shakes.

“I should probably have said something,” she hears herself say, “I knew you were worrying about this.”

You knew.

You knew she was worrying about this.

And you said it.

Out loud.

On national tv.

You knew it would hurt.

How could you not know, you who has watched her for so long, she who is soft-hearted, so afraid of the world not recognizing her, of not being good enough.

And you rubbed it into her face, said she was the exact thing she had always tried to not be.

You knew she felt that she was different, that she was afraid that she was too different, that the others would not understand her.

She hears Nayoung inhale sharply, “You knew?”

Look at you hurting now because she didn’t think you knew. That’s rich, you ungrateful little thing, hurting because she doesn’t know, hurting over such a small thing when you hurt her so much more.

Jieqiong stiffens, croaks, “y-yeah.”

“Ah,” Nayoung says, and Jieqiong feels her pulling away, “It’s ok. It was for the show. Doyeon doesn’t hate soondae soup, Yeonjung wasn’t actually hurt, Yoojung would never say those words. It’s alright.”

She knows.

She knows.

“Y-You knew I didn’t mean it either, right?” Jieqiong says, hates herself.

The silence does not seem to end but Nayoung eventually breaks it though she knows they both hear the lie.

* * *

She manages to avoid Nayoung-unnie for the most part of the next day but the guilt continues to eat at her and just looking in her direction brings it back up all over again until she feels it up the back of her throat.

Jieqiong is utterly, entirely miserable.

Heck, for a second she manages to mistake Doyeon for Nayoung, something she has never done, ever, and it only makes her feel worse.

But she knows she deserves it.

* * *

Jieqiong makes it to her bed but no amount of tossing and turning makes her feel any better so she gives up and climbs back up the stairs to get a few moments to herself before the rest of the girls eventually wake up.

It would be Nayoung-unnie who finds her sitting alone in the sunrise, fists clenched tightly as she refuses to cry.

“Is there anything you want to talk to me about?”

Jieqiong shakes her head, puts on a smile, knows it does not reach her eyes but does not turn around.

“Ah,” Nayoung says, sits down next to her.

Jieqiong sneaks a glance out the corner of her eyes.

Up close Nayoung-unnie seems better now, much better than last night so Jieqiong takes it as an opportunity to further wallow in her guilt as punishment, or well, she would if Nayoung-unnie would only just leave now.

“Are you alright?”

“H-Huh?”

Her head jerks up and Jieqiong plasters the smile back onto her face, “Yeah, I’m pretty good.”

Nayoung looks at her.

Jieqiong cannot meet her eyes, drops her gaze to the floor.

“You’re not alright,” Nayoung says.

“I am.”

“You’re not.”

“Am too.”

“Are not.”

Bursting into tears now would be the worst thing to do because it would be horribly selfish and Jieqiong has been selfish enough for several lifetimes over already over the past two days even though she still doesn’t know why she said those words in the first place.

Nayoung puts an arm around her, “You can tell me about it, you know?”

Jieqiong shakes her head.

“I know,” Nayoung starts, “I know I’m not Sejeong but I’ll listen.”

Jieqiong’s heart breaks anew and she dabs at the tears that leak out, tries to turn away out of Nayoung’s warmth but Nayoung only grabs on tighter and refuses to let go.

Jieqiong hears herself sob.

“I-I’ll let go if you really want me to,” Nayoung says.

Jieqiong shakes her head, sniffles.

“Why,” Nayoung says.

Jieqiong waits for her to ask it, to ask that question.

“Why did you say that,” Nayoung says.

She does not have words to explain why. She does not know why it just spilled out, does not know what she can say, if anything at all.

“Why did you say that if you knew it was going to hurt you so much? You and Yoojung,” Nayoung says, “you silly children.”

Jieqiong is torn between wailing and laughing so she settles for letting her heart shatter into a million tiny pieces in the sunlight.

Nayoung holds her.


	9. Battle Lines

Battle Lines  
 _Somi, Nayoung_

* * *

The first text buzzes in.

Are you alright?

Somi frowns, she does not remember making that big a deal of the fact that she will not be home for Christmas this year, surely not enough to make Dani think that she would be this upset. Though she is, admittedly, a little upset because Evelyn was upset too because it is Christmas after all.

The van rocks gently, Doyeon’s head lolls onto her shoulder and Somi types a quick reply.

We’re on our way to the concert. What’s up?

A screencap of the video appears in her inbox.

Somi frowns.

* * *

Hey unnie, you’re with Somi, right?

Nayoung looks down at her phone while the rest get fitted for their microphones.

Make sure she’s fine? There’s been stuff flying around. She might need some support.

A GIF floats up on her screen from Siyeon. Then another. Nayoung frowns and looks over at Somi who is currently staring off into the space above Yoojung’s head.

“Somi,” she says, as their manager also calls for their youngest.

Somi turns to her first, which makes her inexplicably happy for a second, but Nayoung knows that whatever their manager wants takes precedence. She tilts her head towards their approaching manager, “I’ll catch up to you after he chats with you?”

Somi smiles, nods, then turns away and the two of them disappear into the back, away from the other girls.

Nayoung has the sinking feeling she knows what the manager wants from Somi.

“Hey,” Chungha says from her elbow, “Nayoung, have you seen this? Where’s Somi?”

“I wanted to chat with her,” Nayoung says, does not need to look down to the video to know what it is about, “but so did the manager. We can catch her after.”

Chungha frowns.

* * *

Somi returns a few minutes later while one of the concert staff is running the stage entrance procedure over with the rest of them.

“Sorry,” she says, “what did I miss?”

Chungha cuddles up to Somi and Nayoung shakes her head as the staff is about to repeat themselves from the beginning, “we’ll catch her up, it’s all good.”

Somi’s smile widens to her eyes as she leans into Chungha’s shoulder, “You two unnies are the best.”

Doyeon appears from behind Chungha, “Just those two unnies?”

Somi smirks, “Just those two unnies.”

Yoojung pouts and Somi laughs, “And Yoojung-unnie.”

Nayoung exchanges a glance with Chungha who squeezes Somi lightly. They have a few minutes before they have to get on stage to perform and while non-confrontational Nayoung really does not like to approach sensitive issues head on, that works well with certain kinds of people, of which Somi is one of.

Besides, Somi wears her heart on her sleeve and it does not take a genius to know that she is unhappy.

“Somi,” Nayoung says, “you have a minute for Chungha and I?”

Somi blinks, confusion clear on her face before a smile breaks out and she wiggles her eyebrows, “always, Unnie.”

Chungha snorts but Nayoung smiles.

* * *

“Are you alright?”

Nayoung turns to Somi when Chungha closes the door behind the three of them.

Somi shrugs though her eyes dart away to a corner, “yeah.”

Nayoung frowns, but Chungha sits down and pats the space next to her for Somi who joins.

“The video,” Chungha says.

Somi grimaces, then sighs, “I don’t-I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.”

“Were you uncomfortable,” Chungha says.

Somi shakes her head, pauses, “I don’t know. I didn’t really think about it, I just kinda took a step back, I guess? I mean… I don’t know.”

Chungha frowns, “If you weren’t comfortable, you weren’t comfortable. It doesn’t have to be anything big. You don’t have to think about it.”

Somi shrugs again, “I guess? I don’t want to cause trouble though. I wasn’t even that uncomfortable.”

Chungha sighs, “I read the statements we released.”

Nayoung has not.

Somi turns to Chungha, “Yeah, well...”

“We’re with you, Somi,” Chungha says, reaches out a hand to gently pat Somi’s shoulder.

Somi sighs, chews on her lower lip and wrings her hands, “I wish there wasn’t a side you needed to be with, unnie.”

Chungha rubs slow circles on her back and Somi opens her mouth to say something but the door opens to yield a member of the concert staff poking their head into the room.

“There you are. It’s time to move.”

Nayoung catches the slight downwards twitch of Somi’s mouth on her way out.

* * *

It does not get better after they get off the stage.

The stage, which of course, had nothing to do with this situation. In fact, being able to stand there at a Christmas concert with Ailee is amazing, something they had only talked about in the kitchen at their dorm on a night when the world seemed a lot bigger and more frightening.

Nayoung hopes that Somi is not getting the same updates that Siyeon is sending her with appalling frequency (and a ridiculous number of emojis), because it just seems as if the internet was not appeased by the company statements.

Nayoung does not see why they would be.

Nayoung also hates PR speak.

She does.

It takes so much effort to craft, means nothing, and no one likes it. As I.O.I’s leader and soon-to-be leader of the Pledis Girlz, however, Nayoung has gone through numerous classes in which well-meaning slimeballs peer down their noses at her and tell her that she needs to measure every word carefully for a single wrong syllable will one day come back to bite her in the ass. Which is also how she is incredibly good at teasing it apart to pick at the little turns of phrases, to identify the intentions, to be able to look at apology letters and see the insincerity.

She does not get how apologizing is something difficult to do.

Sure, being wrong is uncomfortable and annoying and frustrating. Having to apologize on top of that does not make one feel any better. But dodging the questions, skirting the issues, playing pretend and attempting to smooth the situation over by not talking about it is a sign of cowardice and while Nayoung is, as a rule, non-confrontational, not-apologizing is a sign of confrontation to her.

She can see how it can be perceived that they are making a mountain out of a molehill, can understand the statements about camera angles and not-actually-having-made-contact, but regardless, Somi looked uncomfortable, is currently unhappy, and goddamn would a proper apology kill anyone?

Perhaps, she thinks.

“Hey,” she says, hovers behind Somi who is reading something on her phone.

“Oh, hey unnie,” Somi looks up, “did you need something?”

Nayoung shakes her head, “Come with me?”

Somi puts her phone down.

* * *

“Texting?”

“Yeah, my dad called.”

“Ah,” says Nayoung.

“Mm,” Somi fiddles with a sticker that other fingers have fiddled with enough to be half peeling off the LAN Cable friends set.

“How are you feeling?”

Somi shrugs, Nayoung knows she wants to brush it off and not think about it but not thinking about it has been what Somi has been doing all day and it is clearly not working out for her.

“Shitty,” Somi laughs, “There's nothing about this situation that's at all good. I've tried thinking about it but it's all just terrible.”

Nayoung scoots a little closer.

“I mean, I don’t want to make a big deal out of this, because it’s not a big deal-”

“If something makes you uncomfortable, it makes you uncomfortable. It is not on you to minimize it or make that feeling go away.”

Somi shrugs, “People are being mean though.”

Nayoung nods.

“I feel bad because they're being mean in my name, for me. Then I feel bad that I feel bad because I should be allowed to feel bad about this in general but I feel guilty for feeling bad and that feels bad. Does that even make sense?”

Nayoung nods.

“I just want this to be over,” Somi sighs, fiddles with her fingers, “I don't want to care anymore.”

Nayoung frowns.

“Well,” Somi says, “fine. I do want to care. And I do care. I know that we always have to be careful around others. And I was never that close to him so he should have been more careful but ugh he probably didn't do it on purpose so I-I guess I just really want this to be over.”

Nayoung nods and they lapse into silence as Somi goes back to flicking the peeling sticker.

“We care,” Nayoung says, “and I’m sorry I wasn’t there to support you while you talked to our manager.”

Somi shakes her head, “it’s alright. I think he was sort of supportive?”

Nayoung frowns, “Sort of isn’t enough.”

Somi shrugs, “Well, it’s not like there really are any sides to this. It’s not a competition, it’s just a mistake. It’s not like we’re drawing battle lines in the sand or anything.”

Nayoung is not sure she likes brushing over this incident with ‘it’s a mistake’, but the world is unforgiving and she sees no way to demand a proper apology and not draw hateful attention. As it is there are whispers going around about meanness and going overboard and while she would personally never stoop so low as to curse him out on broadcast, Nayoung is sure she never wants to be, nor wants any of her girls to be on broadcast with him again ever. Or until he apologizes, so forever.

Somi stops fidgeting with the sticker, sighs.

“We’re not drawing battle lines,” Nayoung says, “but if we were to, we’d be here.”

She pokes Somi’s shoulder.

“With you. We’d always be here with you.”

Somi looks up, smiles, and this time it reaches her eyes.


	10. In The Same Place

In The Same Place  
 _OT11_

* * *

Sohye is the first to arrive.

There had been a recording earlier that day but it had somehow actually ended on time. Then dinner with the family, rare enough to put her in an extremely buoyant mood, and Dad dropped her off and now she sits in the large private room, alone at 2:30 in the morning.

She is early.

Partly because she feels a little bad for having him stay up so late and partly because she is dying, dying to see them all again.

She has met a few of them from time to time, but it would always be one or two at once, quick getaways of her going backstage and grabbing a few minutes of their time. She understands. She understands how busy this life is, remembers that three day stretch where none of them really had the time to properly shower or sleep, would trade anything to go back.

A knock on the door and her heart starts pounding violently in her chest.

She has been waiting so long for this has been wanting this so much that she does not know what she is going to do or say first.

A male head pokes in, “Do you want anything to drink, ma’am?”

Sohye tears and shakes her head.

“Ok,” the waiter says and closes the door.

She rubs her eyes as her phone buzzes.

_CH: Almost there._

_SJ: Well call me a pumpkin and paint me a different color. I was going to be first._

_SM: Over your dead body, Kim Sejeong. We all know you’re going to be late. Probably last. Also who paints pumpkins?_

Sohye giggles, sends her own reply.

_SH: I’m already here._

_SJ: NOOOOOOOOOOOO_

_SM: Unnie that’s not faaaaaair. You live there._

_CH: We’re not meeting at the Penguin cafe today, Somi._

_SM: … We’re not?!_

_SJ: HAH._

_MN: The title of this chat says ‘NOT PENGUIN CAFE, 3AM. BE THERE OR WE ARE FOREVER DISOWNING YOU’._

_SM: …_

Sohye dabs the tears away with a napkin.

* * *

Chungha-unnie’s hair is shorter now, not quite a bob but not the full wavy length that Sohye last saw a month ago but it really does not matter because she could have shaved her head entirely for all Sohye cares because it really is Chungha standing here in front of her.

She really was not going to cry in front of them today because there is nothing at all to be sad about but just seeing that familiar figure walk through the door has her in tears.

Chungha drops her bag at the door and before she knows it they are in each other’s arms and Sohye can hear herself sobbing.

“Sohye-ah,” Chungha pats her on the head the way she has always done and all this does is trigger a new tidal wave of tears and hiccupping and Sohye is so, so happy and she is crying so hard.

Then more arms wrap around her shoulders and Sohye looks up into the wickedly grinning face of one Kim Doyeon and she really should stop crying because she is heaving at this point and she is not sad, not sad, not sad at all but she cannot stop herself from wailing.

“Aigoo, Sohye,” Choi Yoojung says, smiling at her through teary eyes and Sohye feels like she can breathe a little again as Yoojung ruffles her hair.

“We just saw you last week!”

“It’s not you, idiot,” Yoojung says, “it’s Chungha that’s making her cry.”

“Yah! Choi Yoojung~!”

Sohye giggles, sniffles and has her tears dabbed away by a piece of tissue Chungha is holding. Chungha puts an arm around Sohye’s shoulders and squeezes gently.

The door bursts open and another bag falls to the floor, complete with an accusatory finger.

“You started the party without me!”

“No we didn’t.”

“Yes you just did! See, isn’t Sohye already crying?”

“Just because she’s crying, Yeonjung, doesn’t mean we started without you.”

Yeonjung rolls her eyes.

Doyeon smirks, “besides, we would probably have started it without you anyway, if you hadn’t been on time.”

“Yahh!” Yeonjung smacks Doyeon on the shoulder, who leans over and whacks back. Sohye half expects to hear Nayoung-unnie’s voice telling them to stop. Instead, Chungha laughs and Yoojung rolls her eyes.

* * *

“It’s three,” Yeonjung says.

Doyeon nods.

“So we’re disowning Chaeyeon-unnie and Mina and Sejeong-unnie and Nayoung-unnie and Jieqiong-unnie and Somi?”

Yoojung snorts, “Like you weren’t late to the last time we met.”

“But it says we’re disowning them if they’re not here.”

“Somi was going to the wrong place,” Chungha says.

Their phones all buzz.

_SJ: HOLD YOUR HORSES OPPA IS ON THE WAY._

_SM: Who the heck is oppa._

_MN: Just ignore her. She hasn’t had much sleep. We’re almost there. Sorry._

_NY: We just landed. It’s going to be a while before we get there. Flight was delayed. Start without us._

_JQ: Sadface Sadface Sadface Sadface, a picture of her own Sad Face. A picture of her crying face._

_DY: Stop. We get it. I wasn’t mad before but I’m mad now._

_JQ: Crying Produce 101 face._

_NY: I took her phone away. The earliest we’ll reach is 4:30. I know Chaeyeon had to leave at 5 so you guys should definitely start._

_CY: I’m almost there and I don’t have to leave till 10._

_NY: Smiling Jieqiong face. Beaming Jieqiong face._

_DY: Et tu, Brute._

_SM: Not you too._

_NY: I have this phone now, muahaha._

_YooJ: The more important question is why Nayoung-unnie’s phone has Jieqiong-unnie face emotes._

_NY: Se~cr~et~_

_YeonJ: That’s my line in my song you can’t just steal it._

_SJ: Gasp._

Sohye imagines Jieqiong-unnie running away from Nayoung-unnie with the latter’s phone and giggles.

* * *

Chaeyeon is already crying when she enters the door, having been accosted by Mina and Sejeong on the way in, partly because it has been an extremely long three days and she has not had sleep for more than two hours in this period and she is tired which makes her more emotional.

And partly because she has not seen Sejeong in person in months now though they have chatted because that ear splitting grin and that voice is just so familiar, because Mina latches onto her arm and will not let go and Chaeyeon has missed this so, so much even though Mina was never really the grabby type.

Then she opens the door and it is the Fantagio girls and Chungha and Yeonjung and Sohye and the wave of nostalgia (and noise) is too much for her to handle as they come shrieking and running and hands are on her shoulders, in her hair and there are faces nuzzling into her and Chaeyeon at once wants the space to ugly cry really hard and at once never wants them to let go ever again.

So she grabs handfuls of them and holds them close and sobs into heads and shoulders.

Then the door is flung open and in flies Somi on her knees. 

“Don’t disown me!”

“You are an idiot,” Chungha says.

“It said not-penguin-cafe on the chat title,” Mina giggles.

“I’m an idiot,” Somi says, head to the ground, “but please don’t disown me!”

She looks up at them with teary maknae eyes and Chaeyeon quickly disengages from Yeonjung and Yoojung and rushes over, sniffling hard.

Somi leaps up and jumps at her, almost throwing her backwards but Chaeyeon remembers Somi’s hugs and they only fall sideways onto the couch where Somi proceeds to squish her cheek against hers and Chaeyeon is laughing and crying when more weight piles on top of them and they are a pile of unruly limbs.

* * *

“Penny for your thoughts,” Nayoung says to an uncommonly quiet Jieqiong.

Snatching her phone back had involved invoking not only Siyeon and Eunwoo but Yebin and Minkyung as well, one for each thrashing limb, and while Jieqiong usually brushes it off easily she sometimes gets moody from people ganging up on her.

Jieqiong turns away from the window, puts a grin on but not fast enough for Nayoung to miss the faint glistening of tears in her eyes that disappears when she blinks.

“If we kick Eunwoo and Siyeon out of the car, will it move faster?”

“No,” Nayoung looks over at the rest of the sleeping girls, says, “we’d have to circle back for them which would only take longer.”

Jieqiong snorts, “We have to?”

Nayoung nods, casts her eyes to the stars above as they zip along the highway towards Seoul, “We’ll be there soon, don’t you worry.”

“I wasn’t worried,” Jieqiong says.

Nayoung pats her on the head and is rewarded by Jieqiong nuzzling into her shoulder.

“I miss them,” comes the whisper a minute later.

Nayoung looks at the street lamps whizzing by.

“Me too.”

* * *

They are halfway through their third mix of beer and soju, which as far as Chaeyeon is concerned is incredibly slow for three people and two hours, but she knows they are here to enjoy themselves, not to drink any form of sorrows away so she does not complain and just sips at her drink.

She knows that Somi has been eying the table.

Sejeong nudges her in the side, gestures at Somi who at least has the grace to look sheepish.

“Is it good?”

Chaeyeon shrugs, “not bad.”

Chungha wrinkles her nose a little.

Sejeong downs the quarter remaining in her glass.

Somi looks pointedly at the bottle.

Chungha wrinkles her nose.

Sejeong raises her eyebrows.

Yeonjung and Doyeon stop trying to smack each other with the noraebang wigs.

“C’mon,” Somi says, “just a sip won’t hurt.”

Chungha frowns.

Chaeyeon and Sejeong exchange a glance.

The other 99-ers wait with bated breath. Well, Yeonjung and Doyeon do. Yoojung is flipping through the booklet of songs and paying no attention. Mina is trying to look like she is not interested and Sohye honestly does not need alcohol to enjoy herself and has no interest in trying any of whatever Chaeyeon is having.

“No,” comes a voice from the door, “Don’t you think of giving her even a sip, Chaeyeon-ah.”

“Nayoung-unnie you’re no f-,” Somi whines before her brain catches up with what her mouth just said.

“Nayoung-unnie!”

Yeonjung shrieks and lunges at Nayoung, Mina scrambles for Jieqiong and they are in a giant group hug when Sejeong suddenly lets out a loud wail. The hand on her shoulder trembles and Sohye’s shoulder shakes next to hers.

Chaeyeon reaches to rub her own tears away but Jieqiong’s fingers reach her cheek first and she instead dabs at Doyeon’s face.

Chungha rubs circles on her back and even though there is not a single dry eye in the room, they have not been this happy in a long, long time.


	11. 136

136 _  
_ _Nayoung_

* * *

135.

Nayoung knows she needs to stop. Knows that this is not healthy, that this is not helping, but there are so many comments and she knows what it is like to post them and not know if they are ever read, if they will ever be read.

But most sites will not close. Most sites stick around. Most sites will still be there for the artist to idly thumb through in the car, in their dorm, in the dark of night when they need a light.

Their site is not most sites.

Their life is not most lives.

They are not most people and Nayoung knows that she is on a clock if she wants to read them, because more are being posted than she can keep up and she knows that there are more books being made in the world than a human can ever read in their lifetime but she really does not care about books and other things like that because these comments, these comments that their fans have put their hearts and souls into, these comments are all going to disappear and she cannot read them all.

She cannot throw all the starfish into the sea.

She needs to calm herself down, knows logically that every comment she reads is one more comment that reaches them, knows that if she gets even more upset that reading will start to get hard.

_Thank you._

_We’ll wait for you._

_You’ve done us proud._

_We love you._

_We’ll always be here for you._

_Come back soon!_

_We miss you._

_Thank you._

_You’re the best._

_You’ve worked so hard._

_We’re so proud of you._

_You’re amazing._

_Thank you._

“Dinner’s ready!”

Nayoung swipes the page away, thinks about putting her phone down but decides to keep it on her. She ducks out of her room, takes the same familiar few paces to the dining room only to find the table set with all of her favorite food and none of the rest of the family there yet.

Nayoung’s hands shake.

136.


	12. Chapter 12

My Heart is Unprepared  
마음 준비 안됐는데  
Commentary in italics.

 

_I'm going to mark this as completed since nothing more is going to come for a while. Thank you for following me on this journey. The following are snippets that I never managed to finish._

 

* * *

 

1.

The first time Sejeong says it out loud she is six going on seven and the elementary school classroom falls quiet at the exact wrong time.

“Oh,” says the girl who sits next to her, “that's weird.”

Sejeong doesn't think it's weird - she's never had one so she doesn't need one so how can it be weird that she doesn't have one?

The next day brings whispering and pointing and an art class where she makes a nice poster for her mother to hang up on the family fridge because not everyone has a dad that has a cubicle they can put Father's Day art up in.

\---

The second time Sejeong says it out loud the middle school teacher had just asked her if she hadn't ever been properly disciplined by her father as a child.

This time she glares defiantly through her sweaty dusty fringe, dirt from the ground smudged across a cheek, knuckles bruised from hitting that rude boy's face after he said her mom was a whore.

“Oh,” says the teacher, brow creased.

She glares at him with as much anger as she can muster because that stupid boy deserved to be punched and she isn't wrong and doesn't need a father anyway.

Her mother has her change schools afterwards.

\---

She laughs loudly with her mouth wide open so they can see it and can't possibly mistake it.

She grins broadly, toothily, showers girls with affection, learns to arm wrestle then thigh wrestle, gets strong, stronger than even the boys because you can't be missing something they have if you're stronger than they are.

She doesn't think she's missing anything and so she doesn't want them to think she is - doesn't want to give even the slightest impression that there is water flowing under the surface because why would you look under if there was so much more to look at above.

She gives up on math and starts to think about what she can do to help alleviate her mother's burden.

She walks past the first flyer as IU’s Good Day wafts out from inside the cake shop.

\---

She is terrible. And useless.

But she has chosen her path so she will stick to it.

\---

The third time she says it out loud is during a recording.

 

_This is the first piece I wrote ever but as you can see it immediately took a nosedive with the angst so I don’t think I ever managed to come back to it. There are two main threads in here, one more specific and one far more general and for me it was hard to pick one to go with, but both could not coexist._

_This story turned into[Imposter Syndrome](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1174890/), but I never put it in because it wasn’t inspired by IOI events and I couldn’t quite make it fit the same short kind of scenes I was doing there. This one would have be a stand-alone one-shot._

 

* * *

 

2.

“You have to meet her,” Momo-unnie gushes, “I’ll arrange something with Chungha?”

Jieqiong nods, smiles. She’s heard of Tzuyu. Everyone has - political scandal notwithstanding - They do speak a common language but Somi did say that Tzuyu - no, Ziyu, is hard to get close to which is saying something because this is Somi.

 

_This is the first non-Sejeong Jieqiong piece I started. Was going to imagine them meeting and what that would look like but eventually figured I’d be making too much up so this got abandoned. That and I haven’t watched enough Twice (I’ve only seen a few smatterings of VLives here and there) to know what Tzuyu is really like so I really didn’t feel comfortable taking this and running with it._

_May resurrect this again once Pristin debuts._

 

* * *

 

3.

Nayoung is, understandably, a little taken aback when Chungha asks if she would be willing to trade places with Jieqiong for the night.

She says yes of course, because there isn’t a good reason why she would say no even if Chungha does not give her a good reason why she should say yes, though she is rather surprised that it is not Jieqiong bringing it up.

Which is why she is even more surprised when she appears in the Beagle room with her things to attempt to be asleep before the noisy kids get back (because she is a Nayoung and Nayoungs of all kinds require a lot of sleep) to find Jieqiong entirely unpacked, sitting on her own bed, smiling at her phone.

Jieqiong looks up from her phone, takes in Nayoung’s pillow and blanket, does a weird frown.

Nayoung stares back, acutely aware that Somi is in the living room horsing about with Yoojung and the others, that Sohye is in the bathroom and that there is no one else in the room with the two of them.

“What’s that, unnie?” Jieqiong gestures at the pillow in her hands.

“My pillow,” Nayoung says.

Jieqiong rolls her eyes, “I can see that.”

Nayoung shrugs, “I’m trading places with you tonight.”

“You are?”

Nayoung nods, “Chungha asked me to.”

“Chungha-unnie? She did?”

Nayoung shrugs again, waits for Jieqiong to say something that is not directly parroting back what she has just said.

Jieqiong frowns, “I’ll go ask Chungha-unnie.”

“There’s no need to,” Nayoung says, “Just grab your things.”

“B-But…”

“She’s waiting for you. Just grab your things.”

Jieqiong’s frown deepens but she reaches for her pillow and blanket.

Nayoung stands there and watches her.

The door edges open a little and Mina’s butt makes an entrance before the rest of the small Jellyfish girl, blanket, pillow and phone in her arms. Mina throws the bedding onto Sejeong’s now empty top bunk and grins cheekily at the two of them before scuttling out the room to the pumping beat of Blood Sweat and Tears and shrieks that definitely sound like the Fantagio duo and Somi.

The Pledis girls look at each other.

Nayoung shrugs but she gets it.

This is that thing that Jieqiong said way back in October during that one fan sign about the heated night with Sejeong and Chungha. She wonders if Jieqiong even remembers it now. (Though clearly one of Sejeong or Chungha does.)

She tosses her eye mask onto Jieqiong’s growing pile of stuff, “Tomorrow’s you’s going to thank me. My room’s pretty bright in the morning.”

Jieqiong cocks her head to one side, looks at the mask but does not sweep it off her pillow.

\---

“So,” Nayoung says to Jieqiong sitting at the kitchen table looking absolutely miserable the next day. She almost wants to giggle a little because their roles are usually reversed - she is not a morning person despite how quickly she gets ready in the morning and Jieqiong is usually bubbly and clingy from minute zero - but the way her fellow Pledis trainee (they are still trainees even though they have made their debut) is squinting into the sunlight makes her pause.

“Unnie~” Jieqiong’s head slumps to the table surface.

“Hm?” Nayoung keeps her voice low. She may not have had many experiences with hangovers (for multiple reasons, not all of them having to do with not-drinking), but she knows of people who really do not like the sunlight or loud noises after waking up the day after drinking.

“How many days do we have left?”

“Forty,” she says.

Jieqiong says nothing, just rolls her head to the side.

 

_This was inspired by that line in the fansign about Jieqiong having a heated night with SeChung. It started to take a turn into angst so I left it at that. Also this was written in Oct which was wayyy far ahead of JQ’s actual birthday so I once again felt uncomfortable making up scenarios (that were then going to be angsty)._

_(And besides it turns out that Sejeong and Mina probably weren’t at the dorm then anyway, and it’s also possible that NaPink were at Pledis that night.)_

_This one probably will stay as it is although it was my first stab at Nayoung/Jieqiong interactions, so it’s something._

 

* * *

 

4.

“You’re scared of her,” Sejeong raises an eyebrow.

Jieqiong is trying to find a hole in the ground to hide in, manages, “She was so scary in school!”

Sejeong snorts.

“You don’t believe me but it’s true, unnie,” Jieqiong latches onto Sejeong’s arm.

“Have you,” Sejeong pats Jieqiong’s head, “I don’t know-talked to her?”

“Hey.”

“What?”

“We worked together on Full Moon,” Jieqiong sniffs, “of course we’ve spoken.”

Sejeong flops down onto the bed. Their Parisian hotel is nothing special but they are in a foreign land and that in itself is special.

“She’s not scary in the slightest,” Sejeong says.

“Nuh-uh,” Jieqiong shudders a little, “she’s not scary, she’s terrifying.”

 

_This is inspired by that clip from Taxi where Jieqiong acknowledges that Chaeyeon is/was a goddess at SOPA and also scary._

_Check it out here.<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgNDG_wTldc>_

_I was writing this at about the same time as Look at Me, which is about when I realized that ChaeKyul are the most awkward thing on earth._

_A follow up scene that I typed out grew into[Imposter Syndrome’s Chapter 5](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1174890/5) but the tone was different so this scene never made it in._

* * *

 

5.

Chaeyeon is not an angel.

She is cautious with strangers, polite and innocent and halting.

 

_This is literally my two line attempt at trying to write my way into figuring out Chaeyeon. The thing is that I have not watched many of her DIA videos so anything would be a half-truth. She’s definitely starting to grow on me of late though. This is such a short piece that it could end up nestled in something but could also never spawn anything._

 

* * *

 

6.

“You stole her phone to check her schedule even though we could just ask Nayoung-unnie.”

“Yup! Where's the fun in asking Nayoung-unnie?”

“The night before her birthday.”

“Yes.”

“When she's probably going to want to call her family.”

“Y-Yeah.”

“And we can't read anything from it anyway because it's in Mandarin.”

“...Ah.”

Chungha sighs, “Just go give it back.”

Somi pouts but prods at the phone. Sure enough, there are Chinese characters on the lock screen. Tapping around only prompts more foreign symbols. She sighs.

“Unnie, Jieqiong-unnie! Is this your phone?”

Jieqiong’s head jerks up from inside her backpack.

“Oh,” she says and the sheer look of relief on her face makes Somi feel just that tiniest bit guilty, “Thanks!”

Somi shuffles over, holds out the phone.

“Would have been hard to meet my family without this,” Jieqiong beams.

“Your family’s coming?”

Jieqiong nods as she continues scooping her things into her bag. A towel and multiple chargers and an extra change of clothes follow her toothbrush.

“Well, just my mom. Dad's busy and my siblings have school.”

“Staying out?”

“Yup! See you guys tomorrow!”

“Unnie, don't have too much fun without us!”

Jieqiong laughs out the door.

\---

Jieqiong’s Gucci shoes are strewn by the door when they come back in after dance practice later that evening since Yoojung wanted to pick up her phone charger before dinner.

“Are those the ones that fansite…”

Chungha frowns and follows Somi into the beagle room. Sure enough there is a large fluffy pink blanket burrito on Jieqiong’s bed.

Chungha sits gently down, places a hand on where she imagines Jieqiong’s shoulder to be, “Hey.”

“The flight got delayed. There was no point. I'm not hungry,” comes the muffled voice, “you guys should go ahead to dinner.”

“You should eat,” Chungha says, “it's eight thirty.”

The blanket burrito moves.

Chungha is not sure but she thinks Jieqiong shook her head.

“I'm really not hungry.”

“At least come out with us then,” Somi pipes up, “you don't have to come out of the blanket.”

A snort, “I'm not leaving the house in a blanket. That's dumb.”

“Sheesh, way to shoot my ideas down, unnie.”

Another snort.

Chungha smiles, “we'll be waiting for you outside, alright?”

The blanket burrito twitches.

\---

Jieqiong emerges in a hat and mask, sweatshirt and jeans, rubbing her eyes. Doyeon tosses a parka at her and Yoojung immediately attaches herself to Jieqiong’s arm, looks appropriately mournful and starving at the same time.

 

_Again angsty. Started from that[Pledis Girlz solo Vlive](http://www.vlive.tv/video/18730?channelCode=EC1263) where she mentioned her phone was in Mandarin and then it took on a life of its own. I didn’t continue this because I felt guilty making up a scenario that would have been bad. Would have been fun to write the dinner scene - I wanted this to be a really feel good thing about the whole bunch of them bonding and being family but the guilt was a little too much and I don’t know if that would have been long enough._

_Also again highly likely that NaPink may have spent this time at least partly at Pledis?_

_This one gives me feel-good vibes so I may return to this. Will probably explore her phone being in Mandarin in a piece in my Pristin collection in future -[Even If the Rain Falls ](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1213408/)_

 

* * *

 

7.

Yeonjung feels a little sorry for her team.

And a little pissed at Ki Heehyun, though there is a tiny part of her that is also kind of grudgingly impressed.

Jung Chaeyeon, Jeon Somi, Heo Chanmi and Pledis’ Jung Eunwoo. And not to mention Heehyun herself. That is kind of impressive.

Yeonjung finds it difficult to really hate people so although the other Starship girls tell her she should be really mad, she just channels that indignant energy into practicing. Her team is not shabby either - at the very least she has few F class members, and really, every girl group trainee nowadays has danced to Into the New World before (except for maybe Redline’s Kim Sohye, who isn't in her team) so it is fine.

Well, as fine as it can be anyway.

But what is done is done so she will do her best with the cards that she is dealt, and by that she means she is going to blow them away with Taeyeon-sunbaenim’s high note because that is what she came here to do.

And maybe that will be enough. She can and will hope.

Yoo Yeonjung will always hope.

\---

She builds more grudging respect for Ki Heehyun as the competition goes on because damn, this is a popularity contest so it takes balls to not be super nice.

Also, Ki Heehyun is talented. She knows how to work the camera angles, knows how to show off what she knows.

Yeonjung really respects talented people, which is also how her eyes land on Jellyfish’s Kim Sejeong on day one.

Not that the other girls cannot sing - Kim Nayoung is also pretty good, Juna-unnie is really special and she could go on - but Sejeong sings with confidence. To be fair, Sejeong herself simmers with a quiet confidence tempered with humility and a little shade of emotional detachment, just enough for Yeonjung to gush about her skills but not enough for Yeonjung to feel immediately comfortable going up to her, so it makes sense that her singing voice reflects that.

Yeonjung does feel comfortable going up to Pledis’ Im Nayoung, though, which she is told is something very strange.

She does not see how that is strange. Nayoung-unnie is the most adorable thing on the planet, does not have a single mean bone in her body, which by the way is legs for days and hot as hell, and she is incredibly organized.

Being able to be organized is a talent, Yeonjung thinks.

Yeonjung really does respects talented people.

It also helps that Nayoung-unnie is cute when slightly flustered and being loud and happy around her makes her flustered, so clearly this is a match made in heaven.

Yeonjung babbles on happily next to Nayoung who laughs and covers her mouth and is happy and that is perfect.

\---

Then Yeonjung meets the Fantagio kids and her world turns temporarily on its head.

Choi Yoojung should not be allowed to exist. No one should be allowed to be that cute and hot and be able to dance and sing and rap and be shy and humble and crazy all at the same time.

No one.

Yeonjung is a little lucky in that they are the same age so fangirling in person is easier.

Then she talks to Yoojung and

And Kim Doyeon just plain should not exist.

 

_So I told someone that I was working on a Yeonjung piece. That was not a lie, but (and you’ll see a trend here), I have not watched all that many of WJSN’s videos so again I didn’t feel like I had a good finger on Yeonjung._

_This was my way of attempting to write my way into the character but I couldn’t really pull up a good scene and I’d just finished writing[Meet Me in the Sky](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1188805/6/), which was very similarly structured, and having to figure out Yeonjung’s relations to all the other 10 would be hard for me because she really isn’t with the girls enough. ><_

_Again, I think it’s mainly because I haven’t watched many WJSN videos. Maybe when I do that I’ll circle back around for this._

 

* * *

 

8.

Yoojung has actually never really set foot into SM Entertainment.

They are being led down corridors and around corners and then the door is opened in front of them. She clings to Chungha-unnie’s elbow, secretly relieved that they have not bumped into anyone that she could really embarrass herself in front of. Just thinking about going up the stairs and walking pass Yoona-sunbaenim gives her the shivers.

These are hallowed halls.

Yoojung’s role models were 2NE1 but really, which female trainee never watched Girls’ Generation pave the way? Which late nineties kid never did the fanchant to Mirotic? Meeting Jo Kwon through Golden Tambourine has been amazing and incredible. She thanks her lucky stars that both Yunho and Changmin-sunbaenim are in the army or she really might collapse into a squealing pile and Chungha would have to sweep little pieces of her up.

This all still feels like a dream, Yoojung thinks as the door closes behind her. So much like a dream.

They are the earliest, which makes sense, since they are the newest team and the youngest. That also means that they are all alone in that room, that one SM practice room with the cloud blinds in all the SM dance practice videos that Yoojung has spent hours pouring over. She puts her backpack down, sits down in a corner, tucks her knees to her chin.

Chungha rubs her shoulder and sits by her.

Yoojung leans in, rests her head on Chungha.

“They’re cool,” Chungha says.

Yoojung nods, “I know.”

“You’ve already met Momo.”

Yoojung nods, goes through the moves again in her head.

She knows that Chungha is excited to see Momo again. She is too, but she is far less familiar with the Twice senior and meeting new people is always a little nerve-wracking.

“And we're in a group chat with all of Gfriend.”

Yoojung nods again but group chats and meeting in person are a lot different and meeting in person without the rest of their teams are different too and they had mostly been chatting in general about things rather than one on one so there is something different there.

That and she has watched so many videos of both Seulgi and SinB-sunbaenims at this point that she knows she does not really know them but she feels like she might. People who dance the way she likes to dance, who make the moves powerful and clean and sharp and are not afraid to take on dances that people tend to think are too difficult for girls?

There may also be a little bit of worship there.

Just a little.

\---

Chungha-unnie is not asleep but also clearly not entirely awake. Yoojung gets it. If this were any other day, she would already be sprawled out on the floor, cheek on the wood. But as it is now she is too nervous to properly relax and rest.

She cannot.

Their managers are sitting in another corner with their stuff, which leaves her sitting by Chungha, watching the door and counting down the seconds.

Yoojung is just about to give up on counting clock ticks and start counting the number of clouds on the blinds, or pull out her phone to frantically text Doyeon when the door opens.

She leaps to her feet, closely followed by Chungha, all but lunges into a bow, “Nice to meet you!”

“O-Oh,” SHINee’s Taemin peers in, face half in the door, “Nice to meet you too. Sorry, I think I got the wrong room.”

He grins sheepishly and Yoojung’s brain just shuts straight down.

The door slowly shuts.

Yoojung’s brain slowly boots up again after the immediate shut down. Ugh, Choi Yoojung, stop freezing whenever you see a celebrity. You have to get used to this or I don’t know how you’ll ever be able to function at music shows.

Another corner of her brain whispers that she has clearly been coping fine but they all know it is because she has had the rest of the girls with her.

She really does need to get better at this.

Chungha smiles, “I guess there are perks to coming all the way here after all.”

Yoojung barely manages a nod before the door opens again.

“Hey,” Momo grins, looks around, bounces into the room and gives Chungha a hug, “it’s so nice to see you again!”

Yoojung hovers behind them, smiles. She had not gotten the chance to properly greet the other performers at Hit The Stage, since she had been Chungha’s little secret so maybe Momo won’t really recognize her.

“Hi Yoojung!”

“Momo-sunbaenim,” Yoojung blushes, ducks shyly. Chungha smiles and gently nudges her.

“Just Momo is fine,” Momo beams, looks back over to Chungha, “I'm so excited!”

Chungha nods, “the song is fun.”

Momo laughs, “it could be any song and I'd have fun practicing with you bunch.”

Yoojung flushes.

“You're being silly,” Chungha snorts.

“A bit,” Momo smiles, “but it's true. You guys are fun.”

She turns to Yoojung and before Yoojung knows it, her own rendition of Wait-A-Minute-Let-Me-Take-You-There is being shown to her. Yoojung bites back a squeal and instead squeaks and tries to hide in the back of Chungha's shirt.

“Be nice,” Chungha laughs.

Momo pouts though her eyes twinkle, “I'm being nice! We loved it!”

Yoojung thinks she might faint a little when Momo-unnie says ‘we’ because she must mean Twice and although Somi keeps swearing Twice is just a whole bunch of dorks like them, Twice-sunbaenim are still Twice-sunbaenim and Yoojung has been rocking to Like Ooh Aah for a long, long time.

The door creaks open and SinB slides into the room.

All three of them leap up and they exchange greetings before sitting back down on the floor in slightly awkward silence.

Yoojung fiddles with her fingers, but not for very long because the door opens again, five minutes before the allotted meeting time and Seulgi enters in an oversized t-shirt, loose pants and a pair of tatty Converses.

Another round of greetings and they get straight to it, put the music and go through one round of the moves.

Pledis generally does not turn on the music while they are still mastering the moves, Yoojung knows, because that is how most of their practices with IOI under the watchful eye of Nayoung-unnie have gone. It is a little different here today since all of them have already practices the moves separately and the meeting is more to go over how the formations and the transitions.

The first round has them all standing in fixed positions with Chungha-unnie’s manager taking the video.

Yoojung never not-does her best, both her and Chungha have practiced this before today and Be Mine is one of those songs she learnt for fun in the past anyway so she should honestly have no worries about her performance but she squats next to manager-unnie, as close to the small screen as possible, eyes glued on her moves.

Yoojung realizes that she is so tiny next to Momo that even though she hits every move, something just looks a little different about it all. Chungha squeezes her shoulder.

“Looks good,” SinB says.

Momo nods, smiles.

Yoojung buries her face in her hands.

There is technically nothing wrong with her dancing - she just cannot help the fact that she is tiny and looks like a child. And she looks weird next to tall SinB and tall Momo, not to mention fit as all hell Seulgi. Even Chungha, who is also not the tallest, still looks relatively fine.

“Yoojung, are you alright?”

Yoojung’s head flies up and her eyes meet Seulgi’s, warm and full of concern.

“I’m really sorry!”

"There’s nothing to be sorry for,” SinB shrugs, “you did great. We all did good.”

Yoojung nods then shakes her head, “Yeah I mean, no, I mean yes. Ah, I don’t know! Sorry!”

Momo laughs, pats Yoojung on the shoulder, “It’s ok. We’re all in this together. You can just tell us what you think. We don’t bite.”

Chungha scoots closer to Yoojung.

“I just look really tiny,” Yoojung blurts out, “it makes this all look weird.”

 

_I was going to finish this one._

_I really was._

_But I couldn’t figure out a good way to wrap it up and Yoojung makes me question everything I write about her. She’s a really hard one for me to put a finger on and I really don’t want to get her awfully wrong and my impression of Momo and Seulgi are really surface-level and I’ve basically seen like maybe 2 GFriend variety clips in my life so SinB could be totally wrong and I would have no idea. (Also I didn’t really know where they rehearsed so I took the liberty to assume it would be at the sunbae’s place which would be SM.)_

_But really I couldn’t figure out how to wrap this one up satisfactorily, what to leave the reader with in the end. If you guys have ideas, leave them in the comments and maybe I’ll actually finish this._

 

* * *

 

9.

Sejeong hoards snacks because she knows what it is like to be hungry.

 

This one was really recent, from that last clip of MBC Section TV where all the girls point to Sejeong when asked who has the largest appetite.

I will come back to this (and probably post it as a stand-alone) once I figure out who else I want in this story. Also probably after I watch Gugudan’s variety show.

Sejeong though - I cannot seem to get away from angst when I write her.


	13. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 13\. Home - (Nayoung, Jieqiong, Chungha) Come over after dinner? Bring Jieqiong if you can?

 Home

_Nayoung, Jieqiong, Chungha_

* * *

_Come over after dinner?_

_Where are you?_

_I’m still at dinner, will be back later._

_No, your room number._

_Ahaha, 602. You?_

_We’re on the 8th floor._

_Bring Jieqiong if you can?_

_Sure._

Nayoung’s foot taps a slow but impatient rhythm on the floor. The manager had said it was fine, they were just going to be in the hotel, so she just waits.

A knock on her door and Nayoung slips her shoes on, tugs her mask higher. The manager waves sleepily at her and she nods back, grabs the room card and opens the door.

“Hey,” Jieqiong says, “ready?”

Her eyes are slightly red and puffy - Nayoung has the sneaking suspicion that Eunwoo’s are too, certainly knows what she herself looks like. She lets the door close softly behind her, hears it click then nods.

Jieqiong’s eyes curve into a smile above her mask.

They shuffle towards the elevator in silence. Nayoung can feel the anxiety radiating off of Jieqiong from the foot she is behind her, takes a step forward and closes her hand over the younger girl’s.

Jieqiong’s head whips up.

Nayoung shrugs, “It’s just Chungha. It’s going to be ok.”

“...yeah,” Jieqiong says though she does not pull their hands apart, “I know, but I-”

She shakes her head and Nayoung can see her lips purse behind the mask, “Chungha-unnie is too kind,” she mutters.

Nayoung nods, “That she is.”

* * *

Nayoung knocks.

“Who is it?”

She smiles. They had literally just seen each other on stage, then backstage, but Chungha’s voice never fails to put a grin on her face.

“It’s us,” she says.

Then the sounds of someone scrambling for the door, complete with what sounds like Chungha tripping over shoes and the distinct clatter of something that was probably not meant to be dropped on the floor. Jieqiong giggles from behind her and Nayoung has to purse her lips together to stop herself from laughing aloud.

“Coming,” comes a half-groan.

Jieqiong snorts though her grip tightens over Nayoung’s.

The door opens and their hands separate as Chungha comes flying out, glomps Nayoung in a giant hug.

“ _NAYOUNG-IE!_ ”

Nayoung pats her on the back.

“And Kyulkyung-ie too!”

Jieqiong grins, feels her anxiety melt away instantly when Chungha-unnie turns the full force of her attention on her, feels the weight of Chungha in her arms. She knows they had hugged earlier, multiple times, but somehow every single time just makes her heart soar. Jieqiong tightens her hold, then picks Chungha up to giggles and wiggles Chungha around once more like she had done on stage.

When she finally puts Chungha down, she can barely feel her cheeks from smiling so hard, mirrored as her own grin is by Chungha’s ear-splitting one.

“Come on in,” Chungha beams, “It’s just me and Jina-unnie but she’s out with the other staff right now.”

Jieqiong pouts.

“You’ll get to see her soon,” Chungha laughs, “She wanted to say congrats too~”

Chungha beams, “Congrats!”

Nayoung smiles, “And congrats to you too!”

Chungha produces a packet of something that looks like chocolate, “You want some? I mean, it’s not dried sweet potatoes but it’s still pretty good.”

“ _I want to eat some_ ,” Jieqiong grins, sticks her tongue out.

Chungha laughs.

* * *

Chungha’s phone buzzes.

“Chungha-unnie! You’re- YAH! CHOI YOOJUNG! Get out of my-”

Nayoung laughs, watches as Yoojung’s face takes up almost all of the screen then Doyeon’s elbow comes into view, closely followed by Doyeon’s face.

“Oh, Nayoung-unnie~”

“NARONG-UNNIE!”

“Yah, you guys are loud,” Jieqiong says from next to her.

“Ah! Kyulkyung-unnie!”

“You should come over,” Chungha says.

Yoojung pouts, “We gotta be up real early tomorrow, and our manager isn’t going to let us leave the building.”

Nayoung pouts.

“Congrats though, all of you!” Yoojung beams, “it was so nice standing on the same stage as everyone again.”

“Thanks,” Nayoung says. Chungha nods.

Doyeon nods, “Yeah! Oh, Somi is going to be so jealous. Wait till I send them a screenshot of this.”

Jieqiong sticks her tongue out, Chungha giggles, Nayoung smiles.

Sure enough, their phones buzz and the video call rapidly dissolves into Jieqiong spamming reaction emoticons in the group chat, Chungha desperately trying to type faster than Yoojung (impossible), Doyeon just pinging everyone else even though it is midnight.

The light of phone screens reflecting off of Jieqiong’s and Chungha’s faces is a nostalgic one, Nayoung notes, even as she tells them to stop spamming because surely some of those who are asleep actually need that sleep. Goodness knows these kids barely get enough sleep as it is, they really don’t need more distractions.

This is different from what she is now used to, but she’s missed it. It’s a strange feeling - that those days could go on forever, but that she would not trade what she has now for the world, knows that these girls will always have her back, but that she has a home to go back to now, has nine others who are as much her family.

* * *

Nayoung finally looks up from her phone to see Jieqiong gently patting a sleeping Chungha. Jieqiong grins, shrugs.

Nayoung inclines her head, _let’s go_ , and with a soft final pat, Jieqiong slowly makes her way off of the bed, heads towards the door.

Chungha stirs, then opens a groggy eye at the sounds of feet on the carpet, “You going?”

“Mmhm,” Nayoung says, “It’s late and you’re sleepy.”

Chungha mumbles something that sounds like _m’not_ but her yawn gives her away.

Jieqiong yawns too and waves.

“See ya,” Nayoung says, “safe flight back and all the best for your comeback preparations.”

Chungha nods sleepily, rolls over once then again to face them.

“We’ll see you in Korea,” Jieqiong says, “bye unnie~”

“Love you,” Chungha says.

Nayoung smiles.

“Love you too.”

The door closes behind them softly.


End file.
